No, the blog isn’t dead. I said I’d keep it going and I’ll do it as I get around to it. I’m not listening to much music these days, which I realize sounds like total bullshit and a lot of music fans have a hard time wrapping their heads around the concept, but I get like that. I have better things to do and I suspect my general disgust with what passes for music these days and what became of my once-glorious “scene” might be underlying factors, despite myself. Meh. Anyways, here’s a record that hails back to the early days of the blog and, judging by the thousands of downloads “King Of Punk” got, this should strike a chord with some of you shmoes. I have a few other records by this guy, but I never bothered to post them, mostly because it’s a bunch of hippie nonsense and has a diversity of background music that would give Wesley Willis a good run for the money. This is a good record, though; not as good as “King Of Punk“, but pretty good.
Co-produced by label mates GG Allin and Alan Chapple of GG Allin and the Jabbers (if you can believe it!), this is actually one of the better-sounding discs this greasy hippie put his name on. I guess it’s what you might call a “concept album”; either that or it’s a way to keep hippie college kids from spending their money on CliffsNotes. Who knows? For whatever reason, these records never turned up much in my neck of the woods–maybe it was an East Coast thing or a Czechoslovakian thing, as that is where this 1990 reissue came out of. Rumor has it that “Down And Out In Paris And London” and “Burmese Days” were on the backburner, but they never made the cut.
Big Brother Is Watching You The Members of 1984
Vaguely remember seeing this one back in the day, but I never heard it nor did I know anyone else who had it or have any memory of how it was received when it came out. It’s styled in the Class of ’81 LA Punk, but a few years late for the party. Discriminating listeners used to accuse many bands from this neck of the woods of “sounding the same” and I suppose they sort of did, but I wasn’t the least bit discriminating in my tastes when this came out and was gobbling this stuff up as it was falling into my hands and it was yummy-yummy good, the way only a kid can enjoy it. Almost kind of sounds like this outfit got thrown together on the fly and then jumped into the studio, but maybe not. Surprised to learn it was recorded in Casbah Studios–it doesn’t sound it! Like a lot of the junk posted on this site, it typified a blip in time and if you enjoy hearing stuff from that period that you haven’t completely beaten to death, this fits the bill.
l.a.p.d. Jeopardy Download HERE
I tossed this one on the table as an afterthought, figuring it had probably been shared all over the place, but I’m not finding much on it, surprisingly. Found this in the $0.25 bin sometime back and I’m guessing this release was shopped around in hopes of bigger and better things, as there is a lengthy promo/ dossier in the insert, along with a pic of the band. Most of the junk I fished out of that pile was from an old radio station and this probably was, too. A bit of lesser-known LA here, just like the record above, from that glorious year of 1982, although not your typical Class of ’82 by any means. Punky stuff with unabashed commercial aspirations, but leaning on the Punk side of things. The dossier says they had been playing together for a year, which may be a year longer than they had been playing their instruments by the sound of things, which lends to the charm. Another blip in time, slowly fading, and I guess the days where I just randomly find these blips on a regular basis are starting to fade, as well.
Destiny Download HERE
The A-side of this disc is one of those one-joke, repetitive dirges, similar to that Bangers 7″ I posted years back, that takes a play on words that can be interpreted as risqué and mercilessly pummels and beats it into the ground. If you care to abuse your intelligence, you can listen to it on the download. The flip, however, is a nice, deadpan rock-a-billy version of an old standard that has possibly been around since the caveman times or at least the 1920’s or 30’s in one form or another. Good, sleazy, head-bobbin’ schlock that rocks.
Tapping That Thing Download HERE
This record was based on what was supposedly a “best-selling” book back in the late 60’s. Not really sure what benchmark specifically constitutes “best-selling” but I used to see the book around a lot in the 80’s and 90’s and even owned it and read it at one point, thinking it was fairly enjoyable smut, if memory serves. At any rate, I’ve been well aware of this record for decades and had no interest in it at all, despite my familiarity with its contents, basically scared off by the major label more than anything else and figuring it could do little more than suck the fun out of it. Well, once again, my poopy prejudice and preconceptions proved to be my undoing, as this is actually pretty good and I have been missing out on a well-produced piece of schlock for many years as a result. Obviously, there’s no way they could cram the entire book on an LP, but it scoops up some of the better parts, serving as a template to teach any coming of age lass the finer points of female sensuality, not only instructing her how to give herself fully to her man, but delving into some of the more sophisticated manifestations of the sensual woman such as blowjobs, flicking the bean, orgies, and taking it in the ass.
Again, like a lot of these kinds of records, I’m a little skeptical of its origins, although what little I can find indicates it was actually written by a woman. Probably a fair amount of female input, but both the book and the record are contrived and ridiculous. Fun, smutty stuff, though, and I especially love the chipper, upbeat customer service / call center voice that delivers this thing–that’s the icing on the cake!
The Butt No Bad Words Orgies Head Download HERE
I really shouldn’t joke, though. Seems like nothing but bad news these days, straight across the board.
I knew I had some more of these things somewhere. The other week I cracked open a book I hadn’t looked at since the early 90’s and out fell some old 4-F Fan Club letters from around 1992-1993 or so. As to where the rest of these things are, I have no idea but they’re bound to turn up, as there is no way in hell I’d toss out stuff like this—it’s valuable art! Anyways, I put them below for your viewing pleasure, along with a couple tracks from one of the few recordings I don’t own by these geniuses, the hopelessly elusive “Buttfucking Man” cassette that came out in 1995. These are the only two tracks I have and it’s pretty darn classy stuff. I also put up an early version of “Peeping Tom” that has been floating around the web for a few years, although this is the cleanest version I’ve found, albeit still with that annoying hiss. So young and sleazing-sounding, still not having developed the bark that would characterize his later stuff—it would be nice if a pristine version of this demo would show up and even nicer still if someone would kick me down a complete rip of “Buttfucking Man”, as I really need that shit.
Oh, yeah, and get a load of the bands on the bill for that Milwaukee Metal Fest: the original Mentors, Cirith Ungol, and King Diamond all on the same bill, along with The Blitz and Old Skull! And all for a lousy $25!!! Now how would that suit you for a nice night out on the town? Damn, fuckin’ right! Kind of depressing just thinking about it……
THE MASTER’S VOICE:
Rape And Take Buttfucking Man The Mentors: Peeping Tom (1981 Demo Version)
Anyone who buys (or bought) a lot of music at one time or another probably knows what I’m talking about when, even though you might outgrow a musical phase, you like to keep the stuff still because it represents a certain period in your life and you have certain associations with it. Other times you keep a record just because you know it’s kind of rare and you hate to cash in. Well, Poopy ain’t no pack rat and even I will do a purge now and again but, needless to say, I have plenty of records that fall into the categories I described above, especially the latter and, as time goes on, you kind of forget what the things even sound like anymore. With that in mind, I got in the habit about a year ago of selecting one of those records I’ve been lugging around for years and years and playing them before I go to work in the morning, giving them another listen from an adult ear with some pretty positive results for the most part, allowing me to appreciate a lot of stuff I didn’t quite take to the first time around. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about being half-asleep while taking a shit that really brings out the subtle nuances of a recording that you simply aren’t as likely to appreciate in a more alert state of mind! Too graphic? I was originally planning to include photos.
At any rate, this is one of those records that made the early morning poop ‘n’ listen. I bought this around the time it came out and, while I didn’t presume they were dead in Japan, I did presume it was recorded with the mics being at the opposite end of a 50 foot drainage pipe. I liked this band, loved the first 7”, and liked the cynical attitude of the lyrics on this record, but it never stuck with me for some reason. It was clearly a case of pearls before swine, however, and now I can fully appreciate these guys for the Class of 78 throwbacks that they were, basically making no musical progress what-so-ever from when they started eleven years prior and darn proud of it, as well they should! If someone told you it was recorded in 1979 or 1980 you wouldn’t know any better and it’s dirty, retard Punk the way it ought to be. The crap recording quality is part of the charm!
Thank God I’m Damned Don’t Send Me To The Delousing Showers Download HERE
Well, I screwed up in the last set of posts and forgot to mention that Joe Aufricht is still doing homemade cassettes like the stuff posted elsewhere on this blog. You can find the latest one HERE. Sleeping in a crib until you’re five? I guess it can’t do too much harm. Hopefully, he cut out the breastfeeding! Just a heads up, the sound is pretty rough.
Also, more Satanicon stuff HERE.
I’m actually remembering to post a holiday-themed record during the appropriate holiday, otherwise I’m not sure if this one would make the cut. Found this about nine months ago and my first thought was that it might classify as the tail end of early 80’s Power Poop. Played it again a couple weeks ago and I started to think of a proggy / psychedelic Cheap Trick. Now? Not so sure, although I’m sure they either had access to cheap studio time or had some money to burn because it is professionally done, actually top notch in that regard. Too bad they couldn’t afford a spell-checker to offer up a correct spelling of the word “Christmas” for the front cover. I could swear they sound like a more famous band, but I can’t put my finger on it for some reason, although this is by no means totally unlistenable and has a nice psychedelic vibe to it. I believe they were from the Maumee, OH area.
Crazy On Christmas Download HERE
Another record I wouldn’t listen to any other time of the year. Not exactly his most popular release for some strange reason, but it’s a pretty funny record, although I have it on good authority it’s actually a bastardization of a more famous song and am presently awaiting proof to that effect. The flip is Algae Afterbirth and the good news is this is probably the best thing he ever did. The bad news is this is probably the best thing he ever did, as I have a couple other records by the guy that make me want to jam a couple of sharpened pencils in my eardrums.
GG’s Xmas Song Santa Claus Is Dead Download HERE
It’s been a few years since I posted anything by this guy and, in keeping with the Holiday theme I’m trying to create here, I suppose this needs to be rectified. Actually, upon seeing some videos he posted on YouTube, I initially tried contacting him over five months ago only, due to the inherent and inarguable gayness of Facebook, I just now heard back from him, only to learn there was no demo in existence for the versions of those songs he posted. With that in mind, being the resourceful guy that I am, I have taken the trouble to make my own “demo” ripped from the videos and I think they sound pretty good. Actually, this is some of my favorite stuff since Mockery and Perversion. Not that the other versions of Satanicon sounded bad, mind you, but Joe simply has that golden throat and belongs up front–that is how Jesus wants it.
Bastard In The Sky He Hated Heaven So He Went To Hell Raping The Christian Virgin Download HERE
I can think of at least one thing wrong with the title of this record and it isn’t the aerobics part. I have to say that if, due to an unforeseen series of events, I were to find myself spearheading a project with a title like “Erotic Aerobics”, I wouldn’t have to strain my imagination too hard to concoct something more down and dirty than this thing. At the very least, Cutie-Pie would be losing the towel. So what we have here is, instead of dildo-squats and blow-job pushups, you have some guy with a fake French accent giving direction in a similar fashion to the Jane Fondle Workout that was a fad at the time, using names like “Shameless Shakes”, “Lover’s Lunge” and “Stripper’s Strut” to designate the various moves used during the workout. I suppose it’s an idea that sounds more entertaining in concept than execution but, all in all, it’s pretty entertaining weirdo fare and better than Believercise.
And no mention of the name of the gal in the pictures. Bummer. I’d like to see more—she’s quite the fit young lass.
Breathing Warmups Pelvic Pleasures Download HERE
So if I post two somewhat lame sex records is that worth one good one? No, I didn’t think so. This is another one of those records that, like that Xaviera record I posted some time back, I was aware of for many years until I stumbled upon a copy cheap enough to satisfy my curiosity. No idea why those Fax Records LPs sell for so much; some of them featured pictures of topless girls on the cover and beyond that they were pretty corny and can’t hold a candle to most of the schlock I’ve posted on this site. It is fitting, however, that I make the comparison to the Xaviera LP for, like said LP, this thing pretty much reeks of the ole BS from start to finish and was probably entirely concocted by men, although this one has a little more grounding in reality, setting up some plausible scenarios and then skewing them to be titillating and dancing around the overall wretchedness of their situation, kind of imbuing the gals with this “hell, it’s a living” attitude with fewer complaints than there should be.
Unfortunately, the whitewash treatment isn’t enough to really put it over the top, although there are a couple parts that clearly show that the people who put this thing together had limited understanding of the subject matter. I especially liked the part where the girl spends the night with the guy and then asks him for payment the next morning and hurts his feelings. They didn’t ask for cash up front in those days? Dayum! And the part where the bartender gets chosen to be the girl’s pimp by doing absolutely nothing—Iceberg Slim, eat your heart out! Aside from that, this is pretty corny stag fare and if you paid more than $5 for this thing, you got a “Murphy” pulled on you.
Speculative Business Venture The Pimp Download HERE
One of my favorite things to do (in lieu of actually doing my job, that is) is scan through the comment sections of articles posted on dumbass “news” sites like MSN.com and the like. That said, I am convinced a decent chunk of the population these days are nothing more than borderline mentally retarded (or paid?) stooges and ninnies who couldn’t form an independent thought outside of a talking point fed to them to save their lives. These vile swine deserve everything that is coming to them. But let us travel back to the year of 1979 when this record was released, a time when men were men and wrote songs about things that REALLY MATTERED instead of pecking away at their keyboards or tweeting about slights and micro-aggressions like a buncha goddamn sissies! Those were the days, lemme tell you! And get a look at the expression on the lead singer’s face on the back cover; this is the look every lead singer should have on his face, regardless of the type of music. Why don’t lead singers have this look on their faces anymore? Because they suck.
Nuke The Whales Electro-Shock Download HERE
You gotta love the Church Of Latter Day Saints. If they aren’t banging on your door or subjecting you to goofy ads on TV, then they are disguising themselves as Misfits-inspired hardcore bands in an effort to rope unsuspecting listeners into their organization. Pretty sneaky, but Mr. Poopy knows the score or, at least, I assume it’s the score seeing as these guys came from Salt Lake City, Utah. What else could the L.D.S. possibly stand for? At any rate, this is a pretty good record and the only thing these guys manage to do wrong aside from the Misfits rip-off (not a big fan) is not be on Mystic Records, which is exactly where this caliber of juvenile HC belonged. They had the perfect sound for that label and the lead singer even sounds a bit like the guy from Ill Repute. No such luck and there’s a fair chance such luck might have saved them from the virtual obscurity this release appears to have suffered. What happened? Failure to kiss butt to the appropriate publications or scene-lords, perhaps? That’s how it rolled and I assume it has only gotten worse over the years. Happily, despite the Misfits image, they sound nothing like them and, while the lyrics are generally focused on the crummy side of humanity, they don’t fall into the same “horror lyrics” shtick that the Misfits did. Maybe a couple years late for the party, but still a solid effort for this sort of thing and better than many.
Get In The Car Stick Me Epilogue Download HERE
OK, so this record was given to me on the condition that I post it. No problem—I’m all about this sort of thing. As some of you may remember, this guy was the lead singer of an annoying Straight Edge hardcore band back in the 80’s and later joined the Hare Krishna movement and formed a new band that wound up doing some considerably less-annoying and interesting poppy-punk stuff, replete with pretty-boy pics of the himself and the band on the back covers and inserts. Ooops—wrong outfit! Wrong decade, too, as this guy had them beat by almost 20 years. Anyways, not to stir the pot, but it appears old boy pretty much went the way of many
cult spiritual leaders of his ilk and wound up being a bad boy, as gleaned by various sources around the web and comments like this one. But who am I to judge? I will judge that, despite being able to pass for a close relative of Vanilla Ice, his hybrid of Julio Iglesias meets Bob Dylan caterwauling may not be to everyone’s taste. Actually, I kind of like this thing, though, as all the tunes all kind of sound like a loose rendition of “Girl On The Billboard” by Del Reeves to my ears. Of course, all music is really “Girl On The Billboard” by Del Reeves.
Seeing God Is Not Easy Download HERE
The first thing I have to say is that, overall, I am NOT a fan of this kind of book. Granted, they aren’t as annoying as all these retarded “scene documentaries” that every town that ever put on a show or two feels the need to put out these days, but it’s getting there. At this point, I’d like to think we all get the general drill about the whole rock star story: we were young and naïve, we loved the music, we got popular and then our manager screwed us, then there was the drugs and alcohol and yakety, yakety, some form or variation of the template, insert band name here, cherry-pick some facts and stories and off we go. Been burned out on that stuff for years but to each his own, although I don’t spend enough time on the shitter to get through the massive output of this sort of thing that has been cranked out in the last 20 years or so. I think you really need to be a fan and, that said, I love this band and didn’t think twice about shelling out $31 post paid for this, nor should any diehard fan or rape-rocker out there who pledges allegiance to this outfit—it is essential reading to be sure!
So with all that said, the book is pretty good, written by bass player and boyhood friend of The Master, Steve Broy, you get a deeper psychological perspective of what drove this outfit and how things evolved into what it was and I’d say the bulk of what is covered in this tome was completely news to me, which is definitely a good thing. How they showed up in LA right at the crest of the classic late 70’s Punk scene and interacted with the “faggot” punk bands of that era was certainly interesting and not at all surprising, with a fair amount of honest, albeit unpopular, criticism dished out. The whole deal with Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love is also completely explained.
However, what I really found interesting was how the band managed to function. Walk down the street of any middle class community in this day and age and I’d say about every 6th house or so has some sad sack with an alcohol problem who feels the need to get loaded on a daily basis. Yeah, sure, the guy is an “alcoholic”, but comparing his disease to what you had to contend with in the likes of El Duce would be like comparing a bad case of the flu to AIDS. I’ve known hundreds of the former description, but could count on the fingers of one hand the ones I’ve met who were on the El Duce level and wouldn’t use up all the fingers. It’s ugly, messy, sloppy, and unpleasant to deal with, literally pickling the brain of the afflicted and permanently altering their personality. With that in mind, I have long been curious how the band functioned with a guy that bad off as the front man and this, too, is explained in detail and, like the title says, the truth is funnier than fiction! Some serious drug and alcohol abuse went on with these guys and the story plays out as a straight timeline of various states of functionality and sanity while somehow holding shit together, spanning 292 pages and ending with El Duce’s final beer run. Is it for everyone? Probably not, but I did it in three sittings and was thoroughly entertained and satisfied. The remaining 90 pages or so are a series of firsthand accounts and interviews.
As for Steve Broy’s writing, it’s decent. It’s tough to write and edit your own book and catch your own mistakes, so there are a few typos and some repetition, but it doesn’t detract and most of it is about as professional as you would expect and well-written. Like I said, it reads like a straight timeline and it flows well. The printing is like 12pt Copperplate Gothic, so you find yourself turning the pages regularly, which I’ve found suits people who don’t do a lot of reading. You can find more info and contact information HERE.
See, good as my word, I’m posting again, as promised. Ok, so isn’t part of the deal with being covered up and having no free time supposed to be that you’re making money or doing something constructive? Could have sworn that’s how it’s supposed to work—I’ll just have to double-check on that one. Screw this shit—it should be 1983 again, the year this record came out. I remember it well—like it was yesterday. Bad times, just plain wretched, but it has some significance as it was the year I began taking an interest in this sort of music and for some reason I always look at the stuff from 1983 a little different than the other years for purely personal reasons.
So here we have one band who wound up making a name for themselves in the 80’s and 90’s and one that kind of fell by the wayside a bit. Funny thing about the record is that both bands sound almost identical sound-wise, like they just switched players when they were in the studio and left the amps and mics in the same place! Not that I’m complaining—love that shit. And this is the best version of The Accused in my opinion (I can hear the protests already). Tough. Tried several times to get into the later stuff, but it just never took for some reason, although I was a Fartz fan, as well.
Apparently, the original owner of this record wrote the guy who put out the record and I must say “Fu Fu” had some of the nicest handwriting in Punk Rock—you get an A+, buddy!
No Reason Bring The Riots To The USA Struggle Download HERE
If memory serves I picked this one up used when I was in my 20’s, along with a copy of “Live At Raul’s” and a couple of 7”s, all the while thinking as I walked up to the register, “Don’t I have anything better to do with my time and money than this shit?” Clearly not and, clearly, I still haven’t learned my lesson, but you’d think a kid would have something better to do with $20. Ha! Yeah, those days are long gone, but I’m only bringing it up to point out that I didn’t buy this when it came out and I always thought it was kind of an odd comp with the A-Side featuring a bunch of skinheadish French bands, while the B-Side being mostly North American HC bands. There’s a connection somewhere, right? No liner notes or anything, but this is a cool record, put out around the end of Punk and HC’s glory days and entirely listenable to be sure.
Collabos – Tagadagadag D.O.A. – I’ll Right You’re Wrong Download HERE
Certainly, child seduction is a serious issue facing society and what better person to bring about serious discourse on the subject than the guy who played the head vampire in “Vampire Hookers” and Dr. Bernardo in “Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask”? I’m guessing this came out around 1969 or so, which is too bad—if he’d waited until 1978 maybe he could have roped Vic Diaz into it, as well.
But don’t get me wrong—I actually tend to agree with the points these people are trying to get across and despise all those liberal meddlers and perverts with a passion—especially THIS putrid load of horseshit. Unfortunately, this thing is so over the top and completely nuts, you find yourself going “What? Really?” for half the record. They really had grade school kids putting condoms on dildos and taught 4th graders to say “fuck” and “cunt” in the 60’s? Really? Day-yum! And I thought right now was ridiculous. And 50% of the students in America were learning about homosexuality, necrophilia, and bestiality back in those days? Wow! I had no fucking idea! From start to finish, this thing is a literal barrage of questionable “facts” and statistics with nothing to back it up what-so-ever but, on the other hand, this baby came out of one of the most staunch conservative strongholds of America: Malibu, California. How could it be wrong?
EXCERPTS (although pretty much the whole record sounds like this!):
Sensitivity Training Sex Ed Download HERE
I’m not letting another month go by without posting, so a couple quick 7” today and, short of some major disaster, some LP’s next week. Shit’s gonna change and I plan on stealing my free time back if it kills me but, like anything else, you gotta work for it. Anyways, this is an easy one, as it was a record I had planned on posting years ago, but I dropped the thing on the floor before I could rip it and put a nice big crack in it, rendering it unlistenable. Finally got a replacement and up it goes.
Well, the A-Side pretty much sounds like something that would have come out of NYC in 1979, actually a lot better, but I’ll just stop right there, having said enough on that subject elsewhere. They pay for their evil, evil sins on the flip, however, offering up a great Class of ’77 smasher of the most glorious head-bobbing order in “Nasty Secretary”. Nice to have this one back again—I missed it!
Nasty Secretary Download HERE
Was gonna do more of this sort of thing with that other blog I can’t seem to get into gear, but this one turned up the other day and sparked some memories. This was one of those records that, back when I had an automatic turntable, would always get two or three plays. Such basic, catchy stuff, the roots so to speak. I sometimes wonder what younger kids think of this sort of thing, my guess being that it sounds like 1890’s honky-tonk music or something. No, this sort of thing is the raw blueprints for all that followed and failure to recognize that goes a long way in explaining the current state of musical suckiness.
As far as the record goes, I am once again offering up the flip side as the superior track, although the A-side was actually a hit. This song should have been a hit in my opinion, offering up a heartfelt tale of marriage gone bad, wearing out your shoes and “britches” while you walk the dog in the middle of the night for some nagging shrew—never mind the alimony that comes later. Ain’t nuthin’ “worser” than that!
When I Was Single Download HERE
It’s not like I don’t have a calendar that reminds me when I need to add some posts or anything, it’s just that it doesn’t get done. That said, I probably need to explain that part of the reason things lag like they do around here is because I’m often in a situation where I need to be listening to something else in the background, which makes it difficult to rip vinyl while I’m doing other things and, ideally, you ought to be listening to what you’re recording to check for errors. So that’s the bad news, but the good news is I’m pushing with all I’ve got to bring this situation to a head and hopefully get back to where I have the free time to do this thing properly. And the other blog is still building up rips, but suffers like the rest of my shit at the moment.
So where did we leave off? Well, we’ll just post another recording by these geniuses like I did in the last batch of posts. I knew I had another one of their records somewhere and, once again, we get to take in the delicate vocal styling of Stinky Ass-Finger, set to the innovative musical craftsmanship of Anal Violator, Feces Rip-Sphincter and Vile Crusthunter. Basically the same shtick as the 10”, although I think the funniest thing about this record is one-liners about Ron Jeremy printed throughout the back of the sleeve and the insert: “Listen, Ron Jeremy could make a lot of Hollywood actors take a back seat—if he ever starts driving a taxi!” or “Audiences would love Ron Jeremy if it weren’t for two things: their eyes!” Hyuk, hyuk! Great stuff!
Weed Whore Legions Of Anal Doom Download HERE
OK, so I know this has been posted on at least one other blog that I can think of, but it’s all about musical excellence around here and this is where this record belongs. So how excellent is this record? Let’s move through the checklist, shall we? Lack of musicianship? Check! Dumbass, juvenile lyrics? Check! Classy cover art? Damn right, and a couple extra checks on that count! Ridiculous, unlistenable vocals that sound like a rabid Muppet? Quadruple check! On top of all that, this LP was one of those “used bin regulars” I’ve referred to throughout this blog, although more in the heartland states, as opposed to other parts of the US. Pearls before swine, I say! This is another one of those records that the CIA could use in lieu of waterboarding on the right person, but if you have any taste at all, this sort of retarded, juvenile shit never gets old—I’ll be playing it on my death bed!
Typical Boring Eating Axes Download HERE
Some time back, I kind of cleaned house with a bunch of bad bar bands and other obscurities that kind of sat on the fence between being interesting and pure crap, mostly the latter. Since that time, I’ve racked up a bunch more that fit that criteria but most of it is so god-awful it would be a crime against bandwidth even posting it. So we’ll just let that pile grow and I’ll dole out the near misses as I see fit, although this record shouldn’t really be lumped into that category, as the A-side, “It’s Your Move”, is a fine power-pooper in the proper style that we’ve come to love although, as I’ve said before, this scene crumbled quickly and there was a good ten-year span where you couldn’t give these records away. Funny how time softens prejudice. Anyways, the A-side saves this one, but the flip is rough, not complete garbage, but it’s like the guitar player bumped the toggle switch all the way to the left, giving that country / blues sound instead of the jingle-jangle, mixed with too much rockabilly which is nails on a chalkboard to me on anything outside of that specific genre. But that’s just me—you can download and make up your own mind.
It’s Your Move Download HERE
I guess it’s been a while since we doled one of these out and, actually, it was one of the records I meant to post when I first started the blog, but chose not to because my copy was in such lousy shape. Well, the vinyl gods chose to bless me with another copy, so up it goes and, happily, this is one of the better, more entertaining examples of this sort of thing, with plenty of anti-socialist and anti-leftist rants, mixed with a healthy dash of good old-fashioned hippie-bashing that makes this hold up pretty good, despite its age. I have a couple other speeches by this guy posted elsewhere on the blog and, apparently, he was something of a rock star for this sort of thing back in the day and still has a couple websites HERE and HERE if anyone cares. Of course, you care.
You Don’t Buy Freedom With Poster Paint Lefty Scum Hippie Scum Lefty Professor Download HERE
Well, somehow I managed to find myself out of town the last four weekends, so basically nothing got worked on for the new blog and, obviously, this one. That will change. Short of some sort of disruption in my living arrangements, it will happen and, unlike this one, it will have regular posts—I just need a head start on the thing, so hang in there.
As I believe I mentioned somewhere before, I recently started getting out and seriously looking for records again. The results? Meh. As most of you should know, vinyl has seen an unexpected surge in popularity and, coupled with the shmoes who think their mediocre crap is worth its weight in gold, you really have to dedicate some time if you want to find anything worth a shit and not pay a fortune, although I suspect the real reason I’m even bothering at all is for sanity’s sake and to take a break from my rut. That said, there are some real freaks wandering around out there these days and I’ve gotta say that ever since that Bruce Jenner crap hit critical mass, I’ve born witness to some of the most butt-ugly trannies I’ve ever seen in my life. I live in the heart of Methville, USA and nothing beats seeing some dude who could pass for a young Jed Clampett, wearing a dress and high heels, no tits and arms and legs more hairy than mine, stumbling around the dump, wondering if anybody notices he’s a dude. And what’s the harm in adding another layer of confusion and mental instability to an already bombed-out, drug-addled shell of a human being? Thank God, some guy with more time and money than 99% of the population could afford to indulge in his narcissistic bullshit and enable these guys—where would we be without him? Mr. Poopy is amused.
So it would appear society is seeing some changes these days and, while I’ll argue most of them seem to be for the worse, there are some things like fine wine, a nice car, a hot chick, and some other crap I can’t think of off the top of my head that will never go out of style and, thus, I introduce this fine relic from the not-so-great year of 1991. For, although I really don’t recall anything all that interesting going on that year, this piece of retarded shock could have come out just yesterday. Why? Because willfully stupid shit holds up, just like a fine wine! A bit of a stretch? OK, I’m full of shit and this record basically sounds like retarded skinhead rock mixed with cheesy 80’s metal with retarded vocals and lyrics—not that I mean that as derogatory, as that is pretty much where my mind is at musically these days. Anyways, these guys used to be GG Allin’s backup band and there is one GG track on here that was on the “Legalize Murder” 7”, so you know what you’re getting into.
Fuck A Roll Masturbation Alley Download HERE
I suppose the lesson on this disc would be “never judge a record by its cover” but, seeing as that’s pretty much all I do when hunting for crap, it’s doubtful I’ll heed my own advice. That aside, I certainly judged this one wrong, having bought it with a stack of newish and somewhat lackluster Punk records and pegging it for something along the lines of Conflict or Flux of Pink Idiots. It sat around for about three months, only for me to be pleasantly surprised a few weeks ago that, instead of the standard 80’s peace punk yip-yap, I’m hearing dual female vocals with heavy British accents set to some catchy SLF-inspired Class Of ’82 UK Punk. I sure would have eaten this one up had I heard it as a kid and it still works now. Four fine youth anthems that spare us the preaching that turned many of us away from this sort of thing. Recommended.
Face The Facts Fight For Peace Download HERE
I suppose if anything decent has come out of the last few weeks, it’s that I found another one of these things, one of the lesser-seen titles that never seem to turn up for some reason. And waddya know? It’s the exact same shtick as the other ones! I never would have dreamed. However, it would appear that Humpingville is one helluva town, much better than Intercourse Pennsylvania from what I can tell, although, if one were to judge by the record, the population only seems to consist of a couple housewives and their husbands, a horny milkman, a bisexual Avon lady, and a perverted doctor and nurse. What goes on at the chamber of commerce is anybody’s guess.
So, with the smartass comments out of the way, I’ll once again put out the call that I’d like to hear from anybody that was involved in these recordings—at least one of these people have to be kicking around somewhere, although I imagine they’d be getting up there in age. And, again, who the hell got off on this stuff? The blind? This shit is so corny it’s like I’m expecting The Shadow or Little Orphan Annie to walk into the scene at any minute.
Sniff Test Rectal Exam Download HERE