Strike Under – “Immediate Action” 12″ EP (1981)
Probably my second-favorite of the old Shitcago Punk records, following closely behind the “Haunted Town” EP by The Effigies. Not a clunker in the bunch, although I think “Elephant’s Graveyard” should have been the one to make it to the KBD comps instead of “Context”. Happily, I actually have the picture sleeve for this one, but it’s the crappy Xeroxed one and not the silk-screened one that the collector swine seem to want. To the best of my knowledge, this is the only thing Wax Trax ever put out that’s worth owning.
THE TRACKS:
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SPOOKS – “1980-1990″ 7″ EP (1978)
So you’re thumbing through the used bin and you pull out this Punk-looking 45 that was put out in 1978 by Twin / Tone and you say to yourself, “Hmmmmm, this might be interesting—I’ve never heard of these guys.” You fork over your $2, look up the record on the internet when you get home and find next to nothing about them and remark to yourself, “My, well isn’t that odd!” You throw the needle down on the record and a slight sinking feeling hits you when you determine that the correct speed is, in fact, 33 1/3 rpm and you suddenly reflect that all past questions concerning this recording are now answered. You see where I’m going here?
Rear Cover
THE TRACKS (Although half the charm is watching it play and marveling at how long it takes for the tone arm to make its way through this thing!)
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MAD – “Fink Along With MAD” LP (1963)
This is the only other rock parody LP that MAD ever put out and, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say it is the harder to find of the two. On this record we find the same one-trick pony from the first LP still happily galloping along, showing only slight signs of fatigue and, like the first LP, the recording quality and musicianship is top-notch, putting this record on almost the same level as a legitimate Rock ‘n’ Roll release. The song “Let’s Do The Fink” was later used on one of those “Wavy Gravy”-style comps called “It’s Finking Time” and it is actually one of the better comps of the genre and worth a listen. The song “It’s A Gas” showed up on another weirdo comp of obscure oldies, but the name now eludes me.
The Artists
SAMPLE TRACKS:
I’ll Never Make Fun Of Her Mustache Again
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This is the MAD I grew up with–the last of a now dead breed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3OtmcEZ_dU&feature=related
Victimz of Society – “Wicked Rock Music Is Killing Our Children” LP (1986)
Slackin’ again. Three weeks without a post and I even missed the one-year anniversary of this blog. I originally intended to rush through this thing in a few months when I was unemployed, but it didn’t work out that way. We’ll see how it goes, but I’m a busy guy. Speaking of which, I wasn’t too busy to give some guys who I assume are approximately my own age or older some shit over at another blog. I mean honestly, how many 40+ year-old guys have time to be reading 576 page re-issues of old fanzines, written by a bunch of kids? Not that I’m bashing the kids, mind you, as they might actually find the thing interesting. And how many useless books need to be written about Punk Rock? It just ain’t that fuckin’ interesting after it has been beaten to death 1000 times. You people kill me, but everyone has different priorities, I suppose, however, rather than having me lecture on how us grownups ought to be spending our time, let me suggest that, instead of trying to make me look like an idiot, you try rubbing it in my face how you manage to have so much free time on your hands—I’m inspired by stories about how people became independently wealthy or managed to beat the System.
But it’s not like I don’t love the kiddie stuff. Hell, no! I live for dumbass, juvenile, Punk Rock idiocy—like this ridiculous piece-o-crap. Thing is, I can rip this to my iPod and play it in my car instead of hovering over a turntable spinning the thing. And, trust me, the “scene” isn’t dead—it just sucks. Everything dies and if your best memories are of shit you did when you were 20, you’re doing something wrong, buddy. And if there is ever a time when the world stops churning out smartass teenagers who start stupid bands, just let me know and I’ll just step right up to help fill the void—I’m pretty sure I can still hack it. As for this record, what we have here is some above-average Class of 1983 hardcore with vocals that sound like they were recorded at the wrong speed in parts—and maybe they were! Lyrically, these guys more than adequately meet my lofty standards and I ripped the little booklet that came with it, as well, to share their genius. They appear to have been from Shitcago.
Miss America Sucks
VICTIMZ OF SOCIETY
SAMPLE TRACKS:
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New York Dolls – “Bad Girl / Subway Train” 7″ (1972)
Funny how, after you’ve owned a record for a few decades, it becomes invisible, even when you are looking right at it. I don’t know why I forgot about this one, but it is certainly essential listening and you should be downloading this right now instead of reading. Two tracks from the 1973 LP, recorded with no frills and released in 1972, with a sloppier, more raw sound. Do you need any further endorsement?
THE TRACKS:
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MAD – “Twists Rock ‘n’ Roll” LP (1962)
So who said there’s no such thing as good, clean fun? As I said before, humor doesn’t usually stand the test of time but, at almost 50 years old, this LP is still good for a laugh or two and there isn’t a bad song on the disk. They simply don’t make novelty records like this anymore and one has to realize that, at the time of its release, rock ‘n’ roll was still viewed as something of a fad, so the guys at MAD went all out and hired some rockabilly musicians and a couple of real teen crooners to give this thing an authentic feel and, in a way, it almost stands on its own as a solid rock ‘n’ roll LP, despite its novelty status. I was actually a huge fan of MAD as a kid and started reading the magazine when I was six years old and continued to receive the publication for years, long after I outgrew it, simply out of principal, as they were the one hugely popular magazine that didn’t have to resort to using advertising for support and generally stuck to the same gimmick. Then, one day, I was skimming through an issue and found myself puzzled by a full-color Doritos add, trying to figure out what the joke was, only to realize that it wasn’t a joke, but an actual advertisement. My relationship of almost two decades ended shortly thereafter. However, there are worse things a kid could be reading and I assume the traditional messages that things in this life are never quite what they seem, that people rip you off and lie, and that you can expect to have things go wrong still exist in the newer, albeit lamer version of MAD that exists today. Suffice to say, MAD made a huge impression on my malleable, albeit poopy young mind and, apparently, it made an impression on a certain young Kevin (aka G.G.) Allin, as well, leading him to do an excellent send-up of “Nose Job” on the “Eat My Fuc” LP, changing the title to “Blow Jobs”. Bet you didn’t know it was a cover tune! Some really great satire on this one, my favorite being “My Johnny’s Hubcap”, a “Leader Of The Pack” rip-off where the guy’s only earthly remains are a hubcap, that she wears around her neck as a sign of her undying love and, of course, the lyrics to “I Found Her Telephone Number…..” will follow me to my grave!
Teenagers
Rear Cover
SAMPLE TRACKS:
I Found Her Telephone Number….
And for those who never listened to GG Allin: GG Allin – Blow Jobs
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The Mentors – “Houses Of The Horny” Cassette (1994)
Here’s another one of those latter-day Mentors tapes that the band put out on their own dime and, once again, the sound quality on some of the tracks isn’t the greatest. But it matters not, as no amount of hissy demo-quality sound can detract from this band’s brilliance. Well, there isn’t much to say about these guys that I haven’t already said, except that this one actually has the full band—not just Dr. Scum and El Duce. I might also add that, aside from the typical stumblebum drunken nonsense found on most of these recordings, Duce appears to be doing some good coke or some other “upper” or happy drug on songs like “Kings Of Sleaze” and “In And Out Of You”. He was definitely on something, but there’s nothing new about that. Musically, it’s the standard Mentors shtick which, of course, means sheer excellence, the standout tracks for me being “Service Me Or Be Smacked”, which is a fine return to their old form, and “Fresh Off The Vine”, an engaging tale of intergenerational romance.
SAMPLE TRACKS:
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Maggot Sandwich – “Suckcesspool” 7″ EP (1985)
I’m sure this has been posted elsewhere, but it wouldn’t be right for me not to show some love for this great band. This is actually their second 7”, the first one featured a different singer and, while it’s an OK record, it never rocked my world as much as this one or the LP. This record was their crowning glory in my opinion and the song “Social Reject” wound up on the “Killed By Florida” compilation LP and, indeed, it is a fine little ditty with hilarious, insightful lyrics. My favorite would have to be “Termination”, though, a nice boppin’ Punker in the vein of early Angry Samoans. Stack these guys up right along Roach Egg Invasion for bands that really capture the small town mid-sized city Punk thing.
THE TRACKS:
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Tommy Cash – “The American Way Of Life” LP (1971)
Would you believe I finally found a job? After lazing around on Uncle Sam’s dime for a year and a half, I found myself on my very last day of unemployment benefits with no hope in sight, when I got a call from a recruiter I hadn’t talked to in months and had written off as a lost cause. Turns out this company needed a guy with my skills immediately, so I went home, shaved, put on the ole “interview suit”, drove out to the place and, after about two hours of negotiations, walked out with a job and started the next day. So why am I bringing this up? Well, a lot of people are out of work right now, can’t get a job, can’t feed their kids, are losing their homes, etc., and I just want to make sure that people remember that there are powerful, unseen forces working in the world that regulate our existence AND THEY FAVOR ME AND HATE YOU!!! HA!! Naw, I’m just kidding, folks. Mr. Poopy is the friend of all working people—just like Tommy Cash.
This is another concept LP and, while it isn’t nearly as stellar as “The Man Behind The Badge”, it is an entertaining listen. Generally, I’m a sucker for concept LPs—especially when the guy gives a little speech or intro before each song and even more so when he just kind of mumbles it like Tommy does. And, yes, Tommy is Johnny’s brother. Basically, the record attempts to pay tribute to the working people that make America great, although his America appears to leave out doctors, cops, migrant workers, and politicians, among many others. The importance of women in the workforce isn’t lost on him, however, as he has two songs dedicated to working chicks: “The Housewife” and “The Waitress”. Actually, the tale of old Nellie, the waitress, is probably my favorite track. I mean, sure, her grammar sucks and she’s inefficient and screws up the orders, but she’s a good ole gal with a sweet smile and good manners who’ll take a dime for a tip.
Workin' Men
SAMPLE TRACKS:
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Poopy Endorsements 2010
Tutu And The Pirates "Sub-Urban Insult Rock For The Anti/Lectual 1977-1979" LP
Sorry folks, no freebies here! It seems that every year I manage to find a couple new releases that are worth picking up and I figure it can’t hurt to let other people know about them. So am I saying that there are new bands out there that I like? Fuck No! At least not in the Punk/HC genre and probably never will be again, although I am impartial to some newer Metal. Generally, music these days is fucking terrible—these are releases of old stuff. First off, we have Tutu And The Pirates and their long overdue release of “suburban insult rock” from the early days of the Chicago Punk scene. These guys are generally hailed as the first Punk band to come out of Chicago and, happily, they were pretty good, as were many of the Chicago bands from that era, although the less said about what followed later the better. I saw these guys live once, followed by a little chit-chat with the lead singer and the guy was totally hilarious and a true inspiration to my uncooperative, perpetually juvenile ass . So what does it sound like? Picture an entire LP of Cheech and Chong’s “Earache My Eye”! If you enjoy dumbass Punk in the vein of Chainsaw, this will do something for you.
The Mentors "Oblivion Train" b/w "Cornshucker", released on Stool Sample Records.
Secondly, we have an unexpected release my one of my all-time faves, The Mentors. Here we have two early songs recorded in Dr. Scum’s basement in 1977 and, amazingly, it sounds a hell of a lot better than those tapes I’ve been posting here. I was very happy with this and at 500 pressed, you’d better get while the getting’s good if you want this thing. However, the best thing about this release is the band photos on the back, with afros in lieu of black hoods and a much skinnier, albeit inbred-looking El Duce and a Dr. Scum with no glasses. I’m dying to hear the rest of this recording session and I hope this “Stool Sample Records” label remains solvent long enough to release it! And that’s it! Two new releases! Wow.
Youthful Mentors
Sound Of USA Cities #1 Washington D.C. – “The Savages Are Loose” LP (1986)
Yes, I’ve been slacking on the posts of late—I’ll try to keep up in the future, but I make no promises. So here we have another one of those Mystic “substitutions” I referred to earlier, a sample of bands from Washington DC. So let me think here. Washington DC? Washington DC? Oh, yes, Washington DC! I think a band or two came out of that town back in the day. Let me see here, there was this one—what were they called again? Lemme think! Miter Thread? Mylar Treat? Oh, yes! Minor Threat! Of course! They were from DC—I think they had a record. And I think there were a couple of other bands, too. Maybe. Or maybe not. All I do know is that, aside from Madhouse, Asbestos Rockpyle, and The Platinum Slugs, I’ve never heard of any of the bands on this thing and I bet you haven’t, either! Not that there’s anything wrong with that except that the sound quality on many of the tracks is piss poor. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say all Mystic did was solicit ads for bands to send them demos and then put out the record without paying them a dime, but I could be wrong. There were a couple other records in this “series” that I’ve never heard so maybe that was the whole shtick with these records—perhaps someone out there knows the story behind this one. And, of course, none of these bands really sound like what is popularly known to have been going on in DC in 1986—they could have been from anywhere, although they aren’t without their retro charm. And don’t say I didn’t warn you about the sound quality!
Track Listing
I Didn't Participate!
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Painkillers – I’m Living On Bulk Food
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Bizarros / Rubber City Rebels – “From Akron” LP (1977)
This is one of those early US Punk releases that never seems to get its due for some reason. Both bands on this split were kicking around the “scene” prior to the Punk “explosion” in 1977 and I tend think their songs would have “happened” whether Punk had given them a launching pad or not. Undoubtedly, this record would be a household name if they had cranked it out a year or two earlier. The Bizarros sound like a cross between Television and The Velvet Underground—but I like them anyway! Ha! Not a big fan of The Velvet Underground folks and, unlike most people who followed this band, I like the LP they put out on Mercury the best because it sounds the LEAST like VU. Rubber City Rebels, on the other hand, were an entirely different ball of wax, with a more familiar Class of ’77 sound and general dumbassitude to which my ears tend to soften—not to mention the awesome pose of the bass player on the front cover. I really dig that switchblade action—all bands should have at least one dude posing like that! Like The Bizarros, Rubber City Rebels went on to put out a major label release, substituting another guitar for keyboards, and is actually quite good and worth tracking down.
They Call Me Blade!
Pretty Boys.
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Rubber City Rebels – Such A Fool
Rubber City Rebels – Kidnapped
The Bizarros – White Screen Movies
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The Bizarros – 1st 7″ EP (1976)
So, as a follow-up to the above post, I suppose it can’t hurt to put up the first Bizarros 7”, as well. Released in that not-so-great year of 1976, this thing was way ahead of its time and, yet, doesn’t get talked about much for whatever reason. Again, there is a strong Velvet Underground influence to this stuff, but I forgive them, as they still stand head and shoulders above most bands of the era. Actually, in all fairness to The Velvet Underground, they had some good songs and I have a couple records by them that I play once in a while, however, they suffer from an affliction that I refer to as “Stairway To Heaven Syndrome”, a malady in which a band puts out one lame song that gets overplayed to the point where it becomes so completely annoying that it makes all their other stuff almost unlistenable—even if it’s actually good! In the case of The Velvet Underground, that song would be “Heroin”. I hate it—and so should you!
THE TRACKS (recorded with new software–I think it sounds good!):
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The Spokesmen – “The Dawn Of Correction” LP (1965)
I suppose everyone who ever listened to an oldies station has heard the song “Eve Of Destruction” by Barry McGuire or, perhaps, you’ve heard The Dickies version of it. If not, you’re not missing much—it’s inane Commie / Hippie drivel. On this LP, these three ROTC-looking lads offered their retort to this Hippie gloom and doomer with a message of hope for the future and support of our boys in Vietnam. Unfortunately, the folks at Decca employed a practice of many major labels during that time and saw fit to mix it up with some covers of popular artists like Donovan and The Beatles to try to give it some broader appeal, resulting in the loss of considerable punch in my opinion. Actually, the band’s original tunes aren’t too bad, copying the Bob Dylan / Folk Rock style that was popular at the time—I’ll post most of them in the samples below. Aside from the fact that their stance on the three pro-America tunes seems somewhat forced, it’s a solid try. However, the real gem is “It Ain’t Fair”, a plaintive and funny burst of teen angst that wound up lost, buried and basically forgotten in the mess.
SAMPLE TRACKS:
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Christ Child – “Hard” LP (1977)
Searching through this blog, it seems clear that I have a thing for “fake” bands, so it wouldn’t be fair to leave out Christ Child. Get a load of the liner notes on the back of the LP—it’s quite the endorsement, indeed, and it’s not like these guys could have possibly listened to a band called Blue Oyster Cult at some point in their lives. Actually, I’ve long suspected a number of those Class of ’77 Punk bands were influenced by the “Tyranny and Mutation” LP, but just didn’t care to admit it! While not quite as stellar as Chainsaw, these guys manage to crank out some gloriously dumbass shit, while trying to sound as badass as they could muster. Of course, they fail miserably, but the results are still pretty hilarious. Some of these tunes have a Class of ’77 sound to them and rock in a bonehead fashion of which I approve but, actually, my favorite track on here would have to be “Star Whores”—not because it’s actually good, but because it’s exceptionally retarded and hard to listen to, with lyrics so macho and dumb they’d make El Duce blush!
Liner Notes
Hard?
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Just for laughs, here’s a couple tracks from Blue Oyster Cult’s “Tyranny and Mutation” LP (1973) for the young whipper-snappers!:
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Charlie Burton & The Cutouts – “Is That Charlie Burton Or What?” LP (1982)
Here is the first Charlie Burton LP, released five years and a few more 7”s after the 7” I put up a few posts ago, with a different back-up band. It appears he chose to embrace the rockabilly elements that were starting to show in his first release, but not to where I would call them a “retro” band—they just like to stick to the “roots”. I would describe their sound as a cross between The Blasters and The Dictators, with a slight dash of the KBD-style Punk that midwestern bands were cranking out at the time. Early Eddie and the Hot Rods fans might like this thing, as well. A solid, respectable release that is fun without getting too corny and a little sleazy without getting too nasty, and good enough to lead fans of this sort of thing to make a comment like “wrong place, wrong time”, except, from where I sit, the “right time” for Rock of this caliber would have been pre-1967!
The Band
SAMPLE TRACKS:
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New Minority – “White, Straight & Proud” CD (1994)
An astute individual, glancing though some of the prior posts, may have noted some of the lowest common denominator cheesy rock and obscure, extremist right wing materials I’ve posted over the last several months. That same person might even be inclined to ask a question like, “Gosh, Mr. Poopy, could it be possible that these two incredibly awesome forms of entertainment be combined into one outstanding super-recording? Oh, please let it be so!” To which I would happily respond, “Yes, my friend. Yes, it is.”
Thus, I present you with New Minority. This was one of the earliest releases on the infamous Resistance Records, possibly in an attempt to draw in a wider audience, however, to say this didn’t sell would be putting it mildly—they couldn’t give the thing away! Basically, they took a (still) existing nightclub Hair Metal band, changed their name, and had them write two politically incorrect (but not “racist” by my definition) songs and filled the rest of the release with your standard Mullet-Metal fare that was popular in the mid-to-late 1980’s, except this came out in 1994! The musicianship and production on this thing is as good as anything you might have seen on MTV in 1986 and the two shit-disturbers (“No Guilt-No Shame”, “White, Straight and Proud”) are absolutely hilarious, albeit unintentionally! But wouldn’t a song like “Rid Of The Bitch” serve to dissuade the Aryan Female from performing the inviolable duty of producing White Babies to serve as future soldiers in the Race War? Just a thought. All that aside, my favorite track would have to be “Friend Or Foe”, a fun, NWOBHM-styled catchy rocker that deserved a better fate than to be lost in this ill-conceived, almost depressing mess of a recording!
I have to admit I had a grisly fascination for the George Burdi era of Resistance. They came out of nowhere, kicking up quite a stink, making their Leftist counterparts look like a bunch of slackers with their professionally run organization, and generally scaring the fuck out of the US and Canadian governments, along with the general public! And the means by which those jokers funded that slick operation remains a matter of conjecture to this day. Looks like they don’t publish the magazine anymore, either. Too bad—I rather miss those “Proud Aryan Women” centerfolds!
Insert
SAMPLE TRACKS:
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C Company – “Battle Hymn Of LT. Calley / Routine Patrol” 7″ (1971)
I’ve found several copies of this record over the years and it isn’t particularly rare, as it shared a label with the much better known and fairly popular Jeanie C. Riley and was also released on LP. Both sides of this 7” are great slabs of Right Wing Americana, done in the talky-sing-y style of Johnny Sea, Red Sovine, and a slew of other Country Western artists of the Fifties and Sixties. So you say you’ve never heard of LT. Calley? Yes, you have. In fact, photos of the My Lai Massacre have graced the covers of hundreds of Lefty Punk and Hardcore records! Of course, the big difference is that C Company (short for Charlie Company) is defending him, while most of those Lefty bands (who probably don’t even know where the pictures came from) would probably crucify the guy! Personally, the whole issue is a little before my time, but my experience is that the government doesn’t let stuff like the My Lai incident leak out to the public unless they want it to. Otherwise, they probably use the pictures for Christmas cards and send them to each other!
THE TRACKS:
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Charlie Burton And Rock Therapy – “Rock & Roll Behavior / That Boy & My Girl” 7″ (1977)
Undoubtedly the toast of Lincoln, Nebraska, Charlie Burton went on to put out several records over the years. This was his first and, despite it’s release in 1977, isn’t quite Punk, but it’s close and reminds me somewhat of Rokker. As usual, I had no idea what this thing was when I found it, but I was intrigued by the cover art and, at first, I thought it was a bunch of dudes pretending to be drunk, throwing up in five gallon buckets. However, upon closer inspection, I realized they were actually pretending to huff industrial-sized containers of glue, instantly raising this thing a notch or two in my grading criteria. Based on the autographed cover, some guy named “Fred” didn’t get his world rocked by this thing, seeing as I found it in a junk pile, but I think it’s OK. The A-side certainly rocks in a bonehead, head-bopping way to which I am highly impartial, and the flip is decent blues / rockabilly-influenced hard rock. I haven’t heard all their stuff, but it seems like all their material was respectable power poop or hard rock.
THE TRACKS:
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Battle Of The Boy Bands Part 1: Old Skull – “Get Outta School” LP (1989)
So which generation had better music? The Sixties Rockers or the Punk Generation? Well, I like them both and possibly lean a little more towards the oldies at this point. So you’re trying to play guitar and your point of reference and ultimate goal is to sound like a bunch of bands that also didn’t know how to play? That’s what we’re looking at now—at least those sixties bands could play and when they were making “noise”, it was actually noise, instead of no-talent, predictable shit. The whole “anyone can do it” thing shot its load for me when I realized that your typical “anyone” has nothing interesting to say. But it’s not like these kids know any better and there’s no better example of not knowing any better than Old Skull, a “band” that, no doubt, would never have existed without a little bit of parental persuasion. But who cares? This record is hilarious! I always loved this thing and, while some squares might argue that it isn’t even music, it’s about as Punk as it gets, despite the fact that it appears to be almost completely contrived. As a personal side note, I have distinct, colorful memories of doing heavy acid when I was about twenty years old and playing this record over and over again for hours. Those were the days.
SAMPLE TRACKS:
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Battle Of The Boy Bands Part 2: The Bantams – “Beware The Bantams” LP (1966)
Yeah, you gotta love kids. They can’t act, they can’t lie very well, they smell funny, and, oh, yes, they can’t sing for shit. So here we have The Bantams, the 1960’s counterpart of Old Skull. So what’s the big difference? Well, notably, the fact that they can play their instruments—or allegedly play their instruments. I’ll admit I’m a little skeptical and will remain so until I actually see a video of them playing. However, they were on Warner Brothers, scored a minor hit, and supposedly did live gigs, so I have to give them the benefit of the doubt. But the singing? Ahem…yeah….not so great. And, unlike Old Skull, they didn’t write their own stuff and the entire LP is all cover songs. Probably a bad argument to support my case for sixties rock, but this is still a great novelty record or a great tool for clearing a room, depending on how you look at it!
THE BANTAMS
LINER NOTES
SAMPLE TRACKS:
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Sorry, no Megaupload on this one–they won’t take it for some reason.
Prophet Of Hate – “Death Can’t Wait For You To Die” Cassette (198?, 199?)
This is another one of those recordings that sounds a lot better now than when it came out—whenever that was. I can’t find out a thing about these guys (guy?) other than they (he?) hailed from the mean streets of Glendale, AZ. Well, whoever was behind this project, they sure did hate a lot—they even went so far as to spell it out all over the back cover of the cassette. And, throughout the songs, you can really tell these guys are busting their asses to sound all scary and hateful—it’s just too darn bad that it’s rendered completely impotent by the inherently retarded bounciness and bopiness of the music! Only three songs and one instrumental on this goofy Goth / Synth / Punk mess and it’s over all too fast. Fun stuff.
Cassette
THE TRACKS:
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Sound Barrier – “Born To Rock” EP (1984)
Well, I was hearing all these Metalheads talking about how badass all those Black Metal bands are, so I finally went out and got me a Black Metal album and what the Hell? Here I was, expecting some kind of crazy Death Metal but, instead, I’m hearing this cheesy glam rock stuff! Or is it “Power Metal”? Either way, I’m never taking any sort of musical advice from a Metalhead again, as those assholes clearly don’t know what the Hell they’re talking about!
OK, I made that up. The truth is I bought this because there was something about the band photo on the back of the record that intrigued me, leading me to believe there was something about these guys that separated them from 99.9% of the Metal Bands in the US, something I couldn’t quite put my finger one but there it was, staring me in the face. Perhaps, it’s the color of their guitars. I looked them up and, apparently, this is their second release put out on their own dime, the first being a major label foray that bombed. Supposedly, they got some airplay on MTV, but I’m fishing the ole memory blanks and drawing a blank, despite the fact that my only real memories of MTV are from the 1983-1986 era. The video is up on YouTube and, yes, I’ve heard of Black Death!
LP Cover
SAMPLE TRACKS:
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Janet Greene – “Fascist Threat / Commie Lies” 7″ (1966)
Hailing from Hamilton, OH, home of Chem Dyne, Janet Greene was a local TV star that wound up with the dubious honor of becoming one of the more infamous and interesting propaganda tools for the John Birch Society. Typically, I don’t own the picture sleeve for this one and it’s a real shame because the gal wasn’t too hard on the eyes and who could resist a cute little chick crooning right wing propaganda—certainly not Mr. Poopy! Unfortunately, the majority of America didn’t care for her for some reason, but she managed to cut a few singles before deciding she’d had enough. I’ve heard them all and this was the best thing she ever did. While Janet may have been the only touring act sponsored by the JBS, they did at least one other music-related piece of propaganda in the form of a comedy lounge act, fronted by another female singer named Wini Beatty backed by Rhett Fink and The Folkniks. I own the record, but you can trust me when I say it isn’t nearly as witty as it sounds—otherwise, I’d post it!
Janet Greene
THE TRACKS:
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El Duce and Dr. Heathen Scum – “Lock Up Yer Daughters” Cassette (1996)
This is another one of those later Mentors recordings that got put out on the band’s own label and, like the rest of their material, this is little more than pure musical steel, forged by Thor’s mighty hammer, and sent down to earth as a gift from The Gods. This was one of the last things El Duce ever recorded, prior to being brutally slaughtered in his quest for forty-ouncers and sandwiches and, indeed, he really sounds like he has one foot in the grave on this one, slurring his words, drunkenly barking, occasionally forgetting what the song is about and drifting off the subject matter (you can hear Dr. Scum shouting reminders in the background), and mumbling incoherently from time to time. As far as production goes, Bill Metoyer and Brian Slagel are a million miles away on this puppy, but poor sound quality does little to tarnish El Duce’s lyrical genius, expanding his song-writing repertoire to cover such essential topics as women in the workforce (“Why Should I Work When You Do”), monogamy (“Back To The Same Old Hole”), and a touching tale of interracial romance (“Soul Fire”). And, of course, “Gold Diggin’ Maggot” is a fine piece of fatherly advice that should be passed down from father to son throughout the ages.
Pity the fool who can’t see the tragedy and hilarity of the original Mentors. These guys were a class act all around and they simply don’t make ‘em like El Duce anymore. In a world filled to the brim with alcoholics, the man was a DRUNK.
Gold Diggin' Maggot
Insert
SAMPLE TRACKS:
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The Wild Giraffes – “Right Now” LP (1981)
Someone asked for this and I’m always happy to put an obscurity back in circulation. These guys were from Mentor, Ohio, an eastern suburb of Cleveland and, despite the fact that they were from a town that was clearly named in honor of El Duce, they’re a bunch of Power Poopers. The title track is the clear winner and there are a couple other power chord poppy numbers of a similar nature on here. The LP as a whole is somewhat hit or miss, depending largely on your enthusiasm for the genre, I suppose.
Yep, they're from Cleveland!
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Move It On Over (cover song–The Kinks, maybe?)
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Herve Villechaize – “Why” Promo 7″ (1980)
A few months back I was plagued by calls from the people who do the Nielsen Ratings. Finally, I broke down and picked up the phone and it turned out they had my number mixed up with some other guy’s, but they said I was just as good a candidate as any and asked if I wanted to participate. I told them I don’t watch TV and they asked me if I owned a TV set that could pick up digital TV and I said, “Yes, I own a flat screen TV but I don’t have it plugged in to an antenna. I don’t watch TV—it’s crap. I only watch movies.” The lady was nice as hell and told me that was fine and they’d pay me five dollars to tell them what movies I was watching. So I filled the thing out and typed up a nasty letter, hoping that they would call back and I could have some fun, but no such luck. I can only hope that someone over there bothered to look up “Salò o le 120 giornate di Sodoma”, “The Sinful Dwarf”, and “Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks” to find out what decent entertainment is supposed to look like!
It’s truly frustrating how lousy so-called entertainment is these days—and it only seems to be getting worse. Thus, it is always with a great deal of pleasure when I can look at something contrived by some big executive and argue that it’s actually good—like the genius who decided to harness the awesome vocal talents of Herve Villechaize. Best known for his role as “Tattoo” on Fantasy Island, I remember hearing rumors as a kid that he was retarded or brain-damaged and what all. Not true. The man was actually an accomplished painter by the age of 18 and fell into the more lucrative trade of acting while living in New York City.
No, deep inside, ole Tattoo was as mentally sharp as you and me, but his guts were growing too big for his tiny body and it hurt like hell. Couple that with the financial problems that began to surface after being booted from Fantasy Island, and it was safe to say that poor Herve was a sad little man. And this is his sad little song. And, even more sadly, he decided he had enough in 1993 and snuffed himself with a bullet to the chest. But the good news is some jerk in the entertainment industry did something right for a change, leaving a recorded legacy of this song and a weird musical he did in 1982 called “Forbidden Zone”, which is actually worth a look. This is a promo record—both sides have the same song.
THE TRACK:
The Sound Of Hollywood – “Destroy LA Fanzine”LP (1983)
OK, a couple more Mystic LP’s and we’ll call it quits for a while. This one has all the makings of a great comp and has some top-shelf LA Punk on it—the Shattered Faith and S.V.D.B. tunes topping the list. But there’s a couple of stinkers in the mix, so be warned! The music of The F-Beat might have you hungering for the blood and guts no-nonsense rock assaults of Wham! or Huey Lewis and the News. Also, the Bad Religion tracks are from the “Into The Unknown” era.
REAR COVER
SAMPLE TRACKS:
BAD RELIGON – WAITING FOR THE FIRE
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Insolents – “Spit In The Mirror” LP (1987)
Happily, I have a much better sound system for listening to my crap records than I did as a kid so, sometimes when I play some old record I haven’t heard since my early 20’s, I’ll be surprised that it sounds a lot better than I remember it. Thus, I had some really high hopes for this thing, thinking that, perhaps, I would be able to enjoy some of the subtle nuances of this music—like maybe being able to understand the vocals or not have the guitars sound like the mics were buried under a pile of wet towels. But no such luck! No, this LP sounds about as murky as I remember it and did I mention it’s on Mystic? These guys had a 7” EP, as well, that I must have held in my hand at least a dozen times back then, but it never made it’s way to the cash register. I heard it sounded better than this LP.
Another point of interest is that the Mystic catalog described these guys as a “thrash” band—not Punk or Hardcore. I have to admit I’m a little foggy on my musical definitions but, if memory serves, the term “thrash” was a legitimate musical description of some sort of fast / heavy music for about two weeks in the mid-eighties, after which the term was used and abused to the point where it became ambiguous and ceased to have any real meaning to me. So are Insolents a “real” thrash band or what?
SAMPLE TRACKS:
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Tony Randall and Lynn Redgrave – “The Power Is You” LP (1979)
As a cynical bastard, there’s nothing more fun than throwing stones and insults at some desperate characters seeking to save the world through their religion or political group or what-have-you. Of course, the problem with all these people is that, once you get down to brass tacks, all of their brilliant schemes for saving humanity and peace on earth seem to hinge on everyone agreeing on some key point or points, failing to realize that, if people were innately capable of collectively achieving that condition on a global scale, we wouldn’t have all these problems in the first place. But you gotta love them for trying, although some of these characters can really get on one’s nerves.
So here we have Felix Ungar and Georgy Girl attempting to bring light and spiritual uplifting to our troubled species and, in truth, it’s really hard to knock them, prick that I am. Basically, they offer some pretty sensible advice that transcends religious dogma. Unfortunately, they use the medium of Broadway show tunes to convey it, making this a very odd listen. Even more odd is that this came out in 1979—way past the point where this sort of Hippie love-your-brother philosophy was in vogue. In fact, by that time, people were getting good and ready to start hating each other again and indulge in a nice healthy streak of selfishness and materialism!
Love the cover art on this one, as well: a rainbow blasting into the top of some sexually ambiguous human’s skull and leaking out it’s tits and hands. Or is the rainbow blasting out of the skull? You see it your way; I’ll see it mine. I can’t help but wonder if there was some sort of stage show or TV special that went along with this thing, but I’ve never found any evidence to confirm this. A train wreck? This thing starts bouncing off the tracks about ten seconds into it!
REAR COVER
RAINBOW BLAST!
SAMPLE TRACKS:
We’ve Got To Get Back To Basics
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