MAD – “Fink Along With MAD” LP (1963)
This is the only other rock parody LP that MAD ever put out and, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say it is the harder to find of the two. On this record we find the same one-trick pony from the first LP still happily galloping along, showing only slight signs of fatigue and, like the first LP, the recording quality and musicianship is top-notch, putting this record on almost the same level as a legitimate Rock ‘n’ Roll release. The song “Let’s Do The Fink” was later used on one of those “Wavy Gravy”-style comps called “It’s Finking Time” and it is actually one of the better comps of the genre and worth a listen. The song “It’s A Gas” showed up on another weirdo comp of obscure oldies, but the name now eludes me.
The Artists
SAMPLE TRACKS:
I’ll Never Make Fun Of Her Mustache Again
Download (Rapidshare) HERE
Download (Megaupload) HERE
This is the MAD I grew up with–the last of a now dead breed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3OtmcEZ_dU&feature=related
MAD – “Twists Rock ‘n’ Roll” LP (1962)
So who said there’s no such thing as good, clean fun? As I said before, humor doesn’t usually stand the test of time but, at almost 50 years old, this LP is still good for a laugh or two and there isn’t a bad song on the disk. They simply don’t make novelty records like this anymore and one has to realize that, at the time of its release, rock ‘n’ roll was still viewed as something of a fad, so the guys at MAD went all out and hired some rockabilly musicians and a couple of real teen crooners to give this thing an authentic feel and, in a way, it almost stands on its own as a solid rock ‘n’ roll LP, despite its novelty status. I was actually a huge fan of MAD as a kid and started reading the magazine when I was six years old and continued to receive the publication for years, long after I outgrew it, simply out of principal, as they were the one hugely popular magazine that didn’t have to resort to using advertising for support and generally stuck to the same gimmick. Then, one day, I was skimming through an issue and found myself puzzled by a full-color Doritos add, trying to figure out what the joke was, only to realize that it wasn’t a joke, but an actual advertisement. My relationship of almost two decades ended shortly thereafter. However, there are worse things a kid could be reading and I assume the traditional messages that things in this life are never quite what they seem, that people rip you off and lie, and that you can expect to have things go wrong still exist in the newer, albeit lamer version of MAD that exists today. Suffice to say, MAD made a huge impression on my malleable, albeit poopy young mind and, apparently, it made an impression on a certain young Kevin (aka G.G.) Allin, as well, leading him to do an excellent send-up of “Nose Job” on the “Eat My Fuc” LP, changing the title to “Blow Jobs”. Bet you didn’t know it was a cover tune! Some really great satire on this one, my favorite being “My Johnny’s Hubcap”, a “Leader Of The Pack” rip-off where the guy’s only earthly remains are a hubcap, that she wears around her neck as a sign of her undying love and, of course, the lyrics to “I Found Her Telephone Number…..” will follow me to my grave!
Teenagers
Rear Cover
SAMPLE TRACKS:
I Found Her Telephone Number….
And for those who never listened to GG Allin: GG Allin – Blow Jobs
Download (Rapidshare) HERE
Download (Megaupload) HERE
The Mentors – “Houses Of The Horny” Cassette (1994)
Here’s another one of those latter-day Mentors tapes that the band put out on their own dime and, once again, the sound quality on some of the tracks isn’t the greatest. But it matters not, as no amount of hissy demo-quality sound can detract from this band’s brilliance. Well, there isn’t much to say about these guys that I haven’t already said, except that this one actually has the full band—not just Dr. Scum and El Duce. I might also add that, aside from the typical stumblebum drunken nonsense found on most of these recordings, Duce appears to be doing some good coke or some other “upper” or happy drug on songs like “Kings Of Sleaze” and “In And Out Of You”. He was definitely on something, but there’s nothing new about that. Musically, it’s the standard Mentors shtick which, of course, means sheer excellence, the standout tracks for me being “Service Me Or Be Smacked”, which is a fine return to their old form, and “Fresh Off The Vine”, an engaging tale of intergenerational romance.
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Download (Rapidshare) HERE
Download (Megaupload) HERE
Tommy Cash – “The American Way Of Life” LP (1971)
Would you believe I finally found a job? After lazing around on Uncle Sam’s dime for a year and a half, I found myself on my very last day of unemployment benefits with no hope in sight, when I got a call from a recruiter I hadn’t talked to in months and had written off as a lost cause. Turns out this company needed a guy with my skills immediately, so I went home, shaved, put on the ole “interview suit”, drove out to the place and, after about two hours of negotiations, walked out with a job and started the next day. So why am I bringing this up? Well, a lot of people are out of work right now, can’t get a job, can’t feed their kids, are losing their homes, etc., and I just want to make sure that people remember that there are powerful, unseen forces working in the world that regulate our existence AND THEY FAVOR ME AND HATE YOU!!! HA!! Naw, I’m just kidding, folks. Mr. Poopy is the friend of all working people—just like Tommy Cash.
This is another concept LP and, while it isn’t nearly as stellar as “The Man Behind The Badge”, it is an entertaining listen. Generally, I’m a sucker for concept LPs—especially when the guy gives a little speech or intro before each song and even more so when he just kind of mumbles it like Tommy does. And, yes, Tommy is Johnny’s brother. Basically, the record attempts to pay tribute to the working people that make America great, although his America appears to leave out doctors, cops, migrant workers, and politicians, among many others. The importance of women in the workforce isn’t lost on him, however, as he has two songs dedicated to working chicks: “The Housewife” and “The Waitress”. Actually, the tale of old Nellie, the waitress, is probably my favorite track. I mean, sure, her grammar sucks and she’s inefficient and screws up the orders, but she’s a good ole gal with a sweet smile and good manners who’ll take a dime for a tip.
Workin' Men
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Download (Rapidshare) HERE
Download (Megaupload) HERE
C Company – “Battle Hymn Of LT. Calley / Routine Patrol” 7″ (1971)
I’ve found several copies of this record over the years and it isn’t particularly rare, as it shared a label with the much better known and fairly popular Jeanie C. Riley and was also released on LP. Both sides of this 7” are great slabs of Right Wing Americana, done in the talky-sing-y style of Johnny Sea, Red Sovine, and a slew of other Country Western artists of the Fifties and Sixties. So you say you’ve never heard of LT. Calley? Yes, you have. In fact, photos of the My Lai Massacre have graced the covers of hundreds of Lefty Punk and Hardcore records! Of course, the big difference is that C Company (short for Charlie Company) is defending him, while most of those Lefty bands (who probably don’t even know where the pictures came from) would probably crucify the guy! Personally, the whole issue is a little before my time, but my experience is that the government doesn’t let stuff like the My Lai incident leak out to the public unless they want it to. Otherwise, they probably use the pictures for Christmas cards and send them to each other!
THE TRACKS:
Download (Rapidshare) HERE
Download (Megaupload) HERE
Battle Of The Boy Bands Part 1: Old Skull – “Get Outta School” LP (1989)
So which generation had better music? The Sixties Rockers or the Punk Generation? Well, I like them both and possibly lean a little more towards the oldies at this point. So you’re trying to play guitar and your point of reference and ultimate goal is to sound like a bunch of bands that also didn’t know how to play? That’s what we’re looking at now—at least those sixties bands could play and when they were making “noise”, it was actually noise, instead of no-talent, predictable shit. The whole “anyone can do it” thing shot its load for me when I realized that your typical “anyone” has nothing interesting to say. But it’s not like these kids know any better and there’s no better example of not knowing any better than Old Skull, a “band” that, no doubt, would never have existed without a little bit of parental persuasion. But who cares? This record is hilarious! I always loved this thing and, while some squares might argue that it isn’t even music, it’s about as Punk as it gets, despite the fact that it appears to be almost completely contrived. As a personal side note, I have distinct, colorful memories of doing heavy acid when I was about twenty years old and playing this record over and over again for hours. Those were the days.
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Download (Rapidshare) HERE
Download (Megaupload) HERE
Battle Of The Boy Bands Part 2: The Bantams – “Beware The Bantams” LP (1966)
Yeah, you gotta love kids. They can’t act, they can’t lie very well, they smell funny, and, oh, yes, they can’t sing for shit. So here we have The Bantams, the 1960’s counterpart of Old Skull. So what’s the big difference? Well, notably, the fact that they can play their instruments—or allegedly play their instruments. I’ll admit I’m a little skeptical and will remain so until I actually see a video of them playing. However, they were on Warner Brothers, scored a minor hit, and supposedly did live gigs, so I have to give them the benefit of the doubt. But the singing? Ahem…yeah….not so great. And, unlike Old Skull, they didn’t write their own stuff and the entire LP is all cover songs. Probably a bad argument to support my case for sixties rock, but this is still a great novelty record or a great tool for clearing a room, depending on how you look at it!
THE BANTAMS
LINER NOTES
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Download (Rapidshare) HERE
Sorry, no Megaupload on this one–they won’t take it for some reason.
Janet Greene – “Fascist Threat / Commie Lies” 7″ (1966)
Hailing from Hamilton, OH, home of Chem Dyne, Janet Greene was a local TV star that wound up with the dubious honor of becoming one of the more infamous and interesting propaganda tools for the John Birch Society. Typically, I don’t own the picture sleeve for this one and it’s a real shame because the gal wasn’t too hard on the eyes and who could resist a cute little chick crooning right wing propaganda—certainly not Mr. Poopy! Unfortunately, the majority of America didn’t care for her for some reason, but she managed to cut a few singles before deciding she’d had enough. I’ve heard them all and this was the best thing she ever did. While Janet may have been the only touring act sponsored by the JBS, they did at least one other music-related piece of propaganda in the form of a comedy lounge act, fronted by another female singer named Wini Beatty backed by Rhett Fink and The Folkniks. I own the record, but you can trust me when I say it isn’t nearly as witty as it sounds—otherwise, I’d post it!
Janet Greene
THE TRACKS:
Download (Rapidshare) HERE
Download (Megaupload) HERE
El Duce and Dr. Heathen Scum – “Lock Up Yer Daughters” Cassette (1996)
This is another one of those later Mentors recordings that got put out on the band’s own label and, like the rest of their material, this is little more than pure musical steel, forged by Thor’s mighty hammer, and sent down to earth as a gift from The Gods. This was one of the last things El Duce ever recorded, prior to being brutally slaughtered in his quest for forty-ouncers and sandwiches and, indeed, he really sounds like he has one foot in the grave on this one, slurring his words, drunkenly barking, occasionally forgetting what the song is about and drifting off the subject matter (you can hear Dr. Scum shouting reminders in the background), and mumbling incoherently from time to time. As far as production goes, Bill Metoyer and Brian Slagel are a million miles away on this puppy, but poor sound quality does little to tarnish El Duce’s lyrical genius, expanding his song-writing repertoire to cover such essential topics as women in the workforce (“Why Should I Work When You Do”), monogamy (“Back To The Same Old Hole”), and a touching tale of interracial romance (“Soul Fire”). And, of course, “Gold Diggin’ Maggot” is a fine piece of fatherly advice that should be passed down from father to son throughout the ages.
Pity the fool who can’t see the tragedy and hilarity of the original Mentors. These guys were a class act all around and they simply don’t make ‘em like El Duce anymore. In a world filled to the brim with alcoholics, the man was a DRUNK.
Gold Diggin' Maggot
Insert
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Download (Rapidshare) HERE
Download (Megaupload) HERE
Herve Villechaize – “Why” Promo 7″ (1980)
A few months back I was plagued by calls from the people who do the Nielsen Ratings. Finally, I broke down and picked up the phone and it turned out they had my number mixed up with some other guy’s, but they said I was just as good a candidate as any and asked if I wanted to participate. I told them I don’t watch TV and they asked me if I owned a TV set that could pick up digital TV and I said, “Yes, I own a flat screen TV but I don’t have it plugged in to an antenna. I don’t watch TV—it’s crap. I only watch movies.” The lady was nice as hell and told me that was fine and they’d pay me five dollars to tell them what movies I was watching. So I filled the thing out and typed up a nasty letter, hoping that they would call back and I could have some fun, but no such luck. I can only hope that someone over there bothered to look up “Salò o le 120 giornate di Sodoma”, “The Sinful Dwarf”, and “Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks” to find out what decent entertainment is supposed to look like!
It’s truly frustrating how lousy so-called entertainment is these days—and it only seems to be getting worse. Thus, it is always with a great deal of pleasure when I can look at something contrived by some big executive and argue that it’s actually good—like the genius who decided to harness the awesome vocal talents of Herve Villechaize. Best known for his role as “Tattoo” on Fantasy Island, I remember hearing rumors as a kid that he was retarded or brain-damaged and what all. Not true. The man was actually an accomplished painter by the age of 18 and fell into the more lucrative trade of acting while living in New York City.
No, deep inside, ole Tattoo was as mentally sharp as you and me, but his guts were growing too big for his tiny body and it hurt like hell. Couple that with the financial problems that began to surface after being booted from Fantasy Island, and it was safe to say that poor Herve was a sad little man. And this is his sad little song. And, even more sadly, he decided he had enough in 1993 and snuffed himself with a bullet to the chest. But the good news is some jerk in the entertainment industry did something right for a change, leaving a recorded legacy of this song and a weird musical he did in 1982 called “Forbidden Zone”, which is actually worth a look. This is a promo record—both sides have the same song.
THE TRACK:
Tony Randall and Lynn Redgrave – “The Power Is You” LP (1979)
As a cynical bastard, there’s nothing more fun than throwing stones and insults at some desperate characters seeking to save the world through their religion or political group or what-have-you. Of course, the problem with all these people is that, once you get down to brass tacks, all of their brilliant schemes for saving humanity and peace on earth seem to hinge on everyone agreeing on some key point or points, failing to realize that, if people were innately capable of collectively achieving that condition on a global scale, we wouldn’t have all these problems in the first place. But you gotta love them for trying, although some of these characters can really get on one’s nerves.
So here we have Felix Ungar and Georgy Girl attempting to bring light and spiritual uplifting to our troubled species and, in truth, it’s really hard to knock them, prick that I am. Basically, they offer some pretty sensible advice that transcends religious dogma. Unfortunately, they use the medium of Broadway show tunes to convey it, making this a very odd listen. Even more odd is that this came out in 1979—way past the point where this sort of Hippie love-your-brother philosophy was in vogue. In fact, by that time, people were getting good and ready to start hating each other again and indulge in a nice healthy streak of selfishness and materialism!
Love the cover art on this one, as well: a rainbow blasting into the top of some sexually ambiguous human’s skull and leaking out it’s tits and hands. Or is the rainbow blasting out of the skull? You see it your way; I’ll see it mine. I can’t help but wonder if there was some sort of stage show or TV special that went along with this thing, but I’ve never found any evidence to confirm this. A train wreck? This thing starts bouncing off the tracks about ten seconds into it!
REAR COVER
RAINBOW BLAST!
SAMPLE TRACKS:
We’ve Got To Get Back To Basics
Download HERE
Whitewood – S/T LP (197?)
When I was a kid, I used to find these ads in the back of comic books and smut mags, advertising how you could send your lyrics in to some company and they would put them to music and press you a couple copies of the record. Personally, I found the entire concept totally hilarious and, had I the funds, would have loved nothing better than to have pulled a John Trubee and mailed these guys some stupid shit just to see how they would fit it into a song. Well, according to the liner notes on this LP, that’s how these songs were written and, in fact, I bought this record based on the write-up on the back cover, never having heard of these guys. Supposedly, only 600 were pressed, so I’m glad I snagged it.
So I’m expecting an entire LP of “Blind Man’s Penis” quality material, but this was not the case. Actually, the lyrics to these songs are excellent and I would describe them as “serial killer lyrics”, as they all have a dark, twisted, antisocial bend to them, without any undo flourishes or “artiness”. Whoever wrote the lyrics was not a happy camper. Given that it was the 70’s and Goth or Punk hadn’t been invented, yet, they were probably at a loss as to what music to put these warped lyrics to, so they went with 60’s psych / garage and, in it’s own goofy way, it works pretty good. For some reason the psychedelic collectors have claimed this as one of their own and, for the most part, give it somewhat lackluster reviews. Clearly, this thing is high weirdness and should appeal more to the younger crowd of Goth kids, Punkers, freaks, and weirdoes.
Lyrics
Liner Notes
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Download HERE
Red Simpson – “The Man Behind The Badge” LP (1966)
Country music has always been music for the working man, with the result that there have been a few sub-genres such as “Trucker Country” and “Logger Country” that were crafted to cater to more specific groups of working people. But “Cop Country”? Nice try, guys, but no cigar, but it’s not like this LP isn’t thoroughly entertaining. I really can’t believe no Punk bands ever covered any of the songs on this record. Could it get any more easy? I don’t think so. For, you see, many of the songs on this LP possess the unique quality of using the same lyrics one could use in sarcasm as one would use in seriousness. What the Hell am I talking about? Listen to the lyrics of “The Highway Patrol” or “County Sheriff”! Every song on this LP is great and masterfully written by Red Simpson and other country music pros and I’ve never understood why this hasn’t achieved some sort of cult status, as it really is a great LP although, clearly, the “Cop-Country” genre didn’t exactly catch on. The song “The Highway Patrol” did chart in some parts of the country, however. Both of my copies of this LP are completely beat to shit, yet, this rip sounds strikingly as if it was taken off a CD. Fancy that.
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Download HERE
Kryon – “Seven Responsibilities Of The New Age” Tape (199?)
I’m pleased to say I can’t claim an intimate familiarity with drugs like coke, crack, meth, smack, etc., but there’s this stuff that would leave the user wandering around town, mumbling to themselves, only vaguely aware of their surroundings, only to eventually collapse in a heap due to exhaustion, often pissing and shitting themselves in the process. I always assumed it was rock, but my guess is the eventual collapse was the result of sleep deprivation from days of non-stop use, rather than the drug itself. So I’m doing my usual digging in a thrift shop in a crummy part of town and one of those zombies walks in, mumbling and acting sketchy, but I’m the only one who seems to notice the guy, as most of the other customers and employees are almost as brain-dead as he is. He disappears from sight for a couple minutes, only to reappear with a pair of like-new brown leather cowboy boots on his feet, with the tags still on them and his pants tucked in. He starts walking down the aisle towards me but it was at this point that his legs gave out from under him and he falls to the ground, bashing his head on the steel clothes rack with blood gushing out of his head all over the floor.
Now, mind you, I’ve seen a lot of people lose their shit, so, in a rare presence of mind, I began watching the clock at the other end of the store and watched as some of the other zombies stepped over his bleeding body like he wasn’t even there for about five minutes, before somebody did something about it. And why didn’t the only white dude for miles, who happened to see the whole thing, run over and attend to his, very likely, HIV-infected ass, you might ask? Geeze, I don’t know, but they don’t call me Mr. Poopy for nothing. At any rate, as the walking dead man finally got to his feet, he grabbed a straw cowboy hat, that just happened to be laying near by, smearing blood all over it with his bloody hands, and jammed it crookedly on top of his bleeding head as he ran out the door with the stolen cowboy boots. And the point of this story is what? Nothing! Except that I went back to my digging and I found this Kryon tape that I am offering in this post and, every time I look at it, I think of that freak in the thrift store.
So what do the folks at Kryon believe? Well, basically, that we are all space aliens, sent here to Earth to inhabit human bodies and increase the Earth’s cosmic vibrations until we get to shed our Earth bodies and travel back to the Mother Planet and live in bliss for all eternity. Makes sense to me.
SAMPLE:
You Are The Light Of The World
Download HERE
Scott & Lucy Arvin – “Diamond Time” Cassette (1993)
Here’s an oddity that might mean something to some of you but will very likely leave the rest of you scratching your heads. Does anyone remember Amway? Actually, Amway is still around, although they often change their name due to the bad press they have received over the years. This tape was put out by a couple of Amway members and “Diamond Time” is in reference to being a “Diamond”, which is the highest station you could achieve as an Amway member.
I probably never would have noticed this tape at the thrift store if I hadn’t been hit up by Amway reps three times during my life. I was living in a dirt-shit poor city at the time where folks weren’t too fond of book-learnin’, which is the exact kind of environment shysters like this organization look for. So what is it? Basically, it’s a pyramid scheme where they try to sell the sucker on the idea that, by pushing Amway’s products, you are, in fact, the owner of your own company when, in fact, you are little more than a sales rep with the one notable difference that, unlike a salesman, you can recruit people below you to sell their crap as well, with you serving as their boss or “up-line”, making a little money off their sweat as someone above you makes money off of yours. And, if that scheme isn’t hair-brained enough, the products are crap, basically your typical household items like toilet paper, chewing gum, cleaning supplies, and knick-knacks that you could buy at Wal-Mart for cheaper than you could get them at cost from Amway. However, all that was neither here nor there, as ultimately you would be foisting the junk on your family and friends, who would buy the shit from you out of pity until they kicked you to the curb in frustration.
However, as dumb as this all sounds, there was an even more sinister element to this operation that held my fascination once I figured it out. Firstly, each time I had these turkeys try to rope me into it, things got real ugly and emotional, as I patiently tried to explain to them that they were being suckered. I remember being called a “loser”, a “coward”, “scared to take control of my life”, and even an “anarchist” by these brainwashed lemmings. These were all people that I ran into from my work and I would describe them as being more desperate than stupid. After the third encounter, I took it upon myself to look up the organization and, since it was now the mid-nineties, I was able to do so on the Internet, finding literally hundreds and thousands of heart-rending tales by people who had their lives ruined by this company. You see, there was more to it than just selling—they actually roped their members in on a more spiritual, almost religious level, pitting family member against family member and husband against wife, as reasonable people tried to stop the chumps from throwing away vast amounts of money and time on this fool game. Many people got divorced and many more people lost all their money and savings. Amway members were encouraged to stop associating with non-Amway members (sometimes referred to as “dream-smashers”) whom were merely fools standing in the way of their climb to wealth and riches.
Worse, yet, unlike other cults where they at least gave you all your dogma and propaganda for free, Amway made you pay for it! People would make their own motivational and instructional tapes and would then sell them to other members in their “down-line” who would be forced to buy them at $10 to $12 a pop but, of course, they could afford them since they were selling so much stuff to other Amway members, right? I used to go into thrift stores and find literally hundreds of these Amway tapes dumped off, presumably by some sucker who finally had enough. I used to own about a hundred or so of these tapes and many of them seemed to invoke sort of a religious tone to them. And so we have the tape I offer you in this post. While it would be presumptuous of me to fancy myself as some kind of musical anthropologist, it is safe to say that the phenomena exists where, once a bunch of people come together to follow a certain set of ideals, some guy or gal is going to come up with a song or two to rally the troops, a duty that, in this case, was filled by old Scott and Lucy here. Appropriately, this music is as insipid and cheesy as the kind of people who were fools enough to get sucked into this organization in the first place.
Inner Cover / Lyrics
THE SONGS:
Or Download HERE
Elite Terror – “Flame Of Pride” LP (1990)
So I’m compulsively checking out the Punk / HC message boards in the areas surrounding my new town and I run across this one post where people are asked to site the best records that came out the year they were born. Unfortunately, the dates of most of the records posted were from like 1987 and beyond. Well, it looks like these guys missed the 80’s and, let me tell you kids, it was a heck of a time. It was a time when men were men, music was loud, and bare-chested skinhead dudes fought dragons in the middle of the street—just like on the record above. Actually, this record came out in 1990, but they were an 80’s band. I remember buying this thing on one of those days when you have money burning in your pocket and you’re at the record store and nothing looks good, so you go ahead and buy some shit you’ve never heard of on the hopes that it will be interesting. So I bought this on the fact that it came out on Rock-o-Rama, only to go home and suffer buyer’s remorse when I heard the badly played Metal and generic skinhead rock on this slab-o-crap flopping out of my speakers. But time heals old wounds and these retardo songs about Z.O.G. and affirmative action manage to crack a smile and a snicker now. This was a short-lived band from the Philadelphia area, home of the better known and much more rockin’ Arresting Officers and a host of other White Power bands over the years. At least these guys didn’t sing about beer.
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Elite Terror
Download HERE
Rick Grossman – “Hot Romance” LP (1978)
Meet Rick Grossman, an average, nerdy-looking guy, who can’t sing, can’t play very well, and has the song-writing abilities of a horny fifteen year-old scribbling his sexual fantasies in the back of his History notebook. However, for some reason Rick had it in his head that he had what it took to be a successful pop star with the result of this mess I am now offering you people. This certainly isn’t for everyone, but those of us who are into high weirdness and enjoy watching a good train wreck get a kick out of records like this. I certainly do—I could play this thing all day and maybe I will. But the guy does deserve some credit, as he manages to put out an entire record of nothing but originals and if you look deep and I mean really, REALLY deep, you might find something that might pass for the faint hint of some genuine pop sensibilities—but I’m talking really, really deep. Generally speaking, this record will clear a room and lobotomize whoever is left. Kenneth Higney and Kit Ream fans take note.
Sweet Young Thing
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Download HERE
Rudy Ray Moore – “The Sensuous Black Man” LP (197?)
I can’t help but notice you people keep downloading that Richard and Willie LP. You are all clearly swine, but I’m not complaining. At any rate, if you liked that record, then this one should float your boat, as well. Personally, I think this record is much better. Everyone should be familiar with the works of Rudy Ray Moore, so I won’t even bother with an introduction, but this is one LP I’d be willing to bet will never see the light of day again, and it’s a real shame because it’s the best thing he ever did. A message of Hope, Change, and overall uplifting of our culture that will sound throughout the ages. Play loud!!
SAMPLE:
Download HERE
Raw Meat – 7″ (19??)
What’s to say about this one? Not much ‘cuz I don’t really know shit about it. A couple old record collector guys I used to know swear it came out in 1972 and that makes sense, but I’ll still place this thing anywhere between 1968 and 1980, as I really have no proof other than hearsay. The style of these songs is in the vein of those Bluesy “Hard Rock” bands that became popular in the late 60’s and early 70’s, however, these guys can’t play for shit and come off sounding like a 2nd rate Canned Heat or Yesterday’s Children, but that just adds to the charm. There is a clumsiness and awkwardness to these two songs that works somehow and the lyrics are weird, with the end result of a garage / Punk sound to the thing. The backing vocals on “Stand-By Girl” around 1:14 are totally retarded, as well, perhaps some of the most ridiculous I have ever heard. The label (Blue Hour) was out of Milwaukee, so I’m guessing that’s where they were from and I’m guessing not too many of these were made. Anyone out there know anything about this band, not to be confused with other bands I am aware of that share the same name?
THE TRACKS:
Or Download HERE
Kit Ream – “All That I Am” LP (1978)
If I woke up one night to a burning house and only had time to grab a handful or records, I would be making a beeline for this one, partly because it’s worth a few bucks and partly because I simply never tire of listening to this record. A few minutes into the LP, it becomes apparent to the listener that drugs were not kind to Mr. Ream and, while this record has some psychedelic qualities, there is nothing really hip about what he’s laying down on this thing—this is a guy who bleeds for his “art” and the somewhat pretentious title of the LP is actually fairly accurate, as the man is baring all on this baby with somewhat nightmarish, yet entertaining results. This is an honest testimony of a dude who did enough pot, acid, booze, smack and women to talk to God and return to earth with “The Answer” and is kind enough to share it with us on this mind-bending one-of-a-kind record.
For those who read what Jello Biafra had to say about this record in his interview in “Incredibly Strange Music Vol. 2”, allow me to set the record straight because he was partially mistaken. Kit Ream, indeed, was an heir to the Nabisco cookie fortune but the bit about him being in a cult is bull. It didn’t happen. The record was part of his rehab and was recorded at his own house with hired local musicians when he was 26. As far as I know, he is still alive and lives outside of San Diego.
SAMPLE TRACKS:
INTROUNIVERSAL JAM + DON’T BE SO HOLY POLY OVER MY SOULY
Download Entire Masterpiece HERE
Katie Lee – “Songs Of Couch And Consultation” LP (1961)
This is one of those one-trick pony novelty records, the likes of which haven’t been seen in many moons and may never be seen again, as far as I can tell. Basically, this is an LP of lounge songs with psychology-related lyrics, performed in a serious fashion. While this may not sound like a recipe for success (and it wasn’t), the song writing on this LP is far above average, putting the record head and shoulders above most records of the genre. All the songs on this record are good and some are excellent and memorable. This was a one-off project on a label called Commentary Records and the lyrics were done by an old Jazzman named Bud Freeman. Katie Lee was simply a mouthpiece for this record and later went on to do a similar LP with RCA (using another song writer) that isn’t even half as good as this one, but still fetches collector prices (not worth it).
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Download HERE
David Nudelman & The Wild Breed – “Sing Songs For Underage Kooks” (1987)
Obviously, I’m not real big on retro bands and I never had much love for all those retro Sixties garage bands that started popping up in the 80’s. However, while this band kind of has that sort of sound, I give this record a pass, as it seems to cross the line from retro rock into high weirdness. Actually, as a fan of retardo, dumbass shit, I have to say that this is a pretty good record that was put out with all the best intentions. The cover art is pretty fine, as well, done in a 12” format, despite the actual vinyl being a 7” and, rather than have actual covers pressed, they just inserted a couple pieces of paper over an old thrift store record. Pretty classy, I must say, and it was all bought and paid for with the money his momma gave him for singing lessons. There’s some fine musicianship on this thing, as well, and any aspiring guitar player who ever got stoned and wanked off to a digital reverb pedal should relate to “Mother’s Dream”.
David Nudelman & The Wild Breed
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Download HERE
Kali Bahlu – “Cosmic Remembrance” LP (1967)
I hadn’t listened to this record in years, prior to doing this blog and I had truly forgotten how nuts this LP is. It really doesn’t get much weirder than this one and to say they don’t make ‘em quite like Kali Bahlu anymore would be putting it mildly. I simply can’t imagine who would have bought this thing back in 1967–even your typical, stupid Hippie would have had little use for this kind of insanity. What we have here are four cosmic “fairy tales”, narrated by the piercing voice of an LSD-inebriated Kali Bahlu. Anyone ever watch those old Dragnet episodes with Hippies in them? Well, Kali could have easily fit in with that crowd, as this record almost comes off as a cartoon of someone completely out of their mind on drugs. But this is no cartoon—the lady is serious. My favorite track on this is “A Cosmic Telephone Call From The Angel Liesle And The Buddha”, but WordPress isn’t cooperating with me, so you’ll have to download to hear it. Trust me, it doesn’t get any more “outer-limits” than this shit!
SAMPLE TRACK:
Download HERE
Elmer City Rambling Dogs – “Jam It!” LP (1975)
Another biker band here, sans any “cool” Punk influences—they were at least a year too early for that and I doubt these hicks would have given a fuck, anyway. All the same, this record has its charm and is somewhat obscure, as it was released on an indy label (Dog Dirt Records). What we have here is your basic biker rock, crudely and drunkenly played. The lead singer on some tracks sounds like a barking Jim Morrison, only drunker and sloppier. Great cover art on this one, too and I was kind enough to do a high-resolution scan so you can find the penis mushrooms, pot plants, dog-fucking, bong, dog rolling a joint, etc., etc………
Jam It!
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Download HERE
4/20/2010 UPDATE: The Truth Behind the Dogs (see comments):
“my name is teeny tar and i was lead screamer for the band ELMER CITY RAMBLING DOGS. the article above states we were a biker band. no one in the band drove or owned a bike. the shows we played were biker free. also it says i was drunk. i don’t even drink alcohol. the guitar player james rowland drank only heineken beer but not when we played. the art work was done by my best friend joe rodgers a.k.a MONKO. sadly he passed away a few years ago at age 53 of throat cancer. i do like the article though. i think its wild and funny. i still own two unopened albums and have been offered up to 500 dollars but i won’t sell. i did have 50 c.d.’s recorded and gave to my friends. i stii have 1 cd for me. i don’t know what proof i have. i can say i wrote 8 songs on the album including the three sample tracks. the dog in the window doing doggy-style is the drummer mike mascirelli and his bitch deviette. they are still together living in philadelphia. the dog rolling the joint is guitarist james rowland who lived in elmer, new jersey at the time we got together but now lives in wallingford,pennsylvania. the little dog pissing on the porch is richie ver-el who played fender electric piano and electric fender bass piano. he now lives in gaitherburg, maryland. and me teeny tar i live in lake wales,florida moving here 4 and a half years ago after living in tavernier, florida for 12 and a half years which is located in the beautiful florida keys. keep on doing what you’re doing. rock and roll and rockin’ blooze forever. you got my e-mail if you want to reply.”
Wolfman Jack – “Free Shots” 7″ (1974)
This record was a regional release, put out by the Citizens Alliance for VD Awareness in Chicago, IL. It was never for sale to the general public and I can assume it was only available to community centers, radio stations, and possibly as a free gift to some lucky kids. My copy of this thing is pretty thrashed and I can only hope it was because the previous owner found it as hilarious as I do and played the shit out of it. The flipside features a heart-rending lament of love gone bad by a Miss Debbie Sabusawa.
THE TRACKS:
Or Download HERE
Lil Bunnies – “Pee In Yr Ass” 7″ EP (1995)
Man, it almost seems like these guys were trying too hard! Well, maybe not. Maybe there is no such thing when it comes to shit records like this. What we have here is low-fi shit-Punk with assorted toy instruments and weirdo lyrics. Either you like this sort of thing or you don’t, but you have to appreciate the fact that some asshole took the time to hand paint the front covers.
Rear Cover
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Download HERE
MEN – “Herminutics” LP (1981)
While many people are familiar with the legendary KBD band The Mentally Ill, few seem know that a couple of the guys went on to form the band MEN and continued to put out records on the Autistic / Snat5 label. This is their first LP and if you’re expecting a continuation of the ’77 Punk craziness of The Ill, you are doomed to disappointment. But that’s not to say this is a bad record—actually it is quite good and not in the bemused Mr. Poopy type of good, but in the fact that they actually had some talent.
Arthur MacQuilkin III, Reggie Mars, Sven Herman, Jack Santee
However, all talent aside, there is a tragic / humorous aspect to this band that really floats my boat. Apparently, the lead singer / songwriter inherited some money, with the result that they were able to afford some kick-ass production, deciding to try to make this stuff the next big thing by renting an office in the South Loop of Chicago and trying to market these songs to a more commercial audience. OK, so I said this was good, but it’s not that kind of good! Not by a long shot! This band is completely nuts and the individuals involved were certainly chomping away at the old sugar cubes and blotter paper when they recorded this stuff. And, while the music is certainly psychedelic, it is not a happy, groovy psychedelic, but more in the vein of a bad acid trip akin to early Chrome—and it was intended to be dance music! Suffice it to say, they didn’t stand a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting anywhere with this stuff in 1981 and it wouldn’t fly in 2009 for that matter. This shit is just too weird and about the only lame description for it I can come up with off the top of my head might be Duran Duran on about 30 hits of acid.
SAMPLE TRACK:
Download HERE
MEN – “Matrix Of Compassion” LP (1982)
This is the second MEN LP. It is very much the same style as the first one, only with shorter, more structured songs. For you Punkers out there, it also boasts what might be considered the last gasp of The Mentally Ill in the song Nutron Baby, a killer Class of ’77 rocker, stuffed through the same LSD filter as their later stuff. If anything, the LP is a little darker than the first one.
I used to find these records in thrift stores and $0.99 bins all the time. What the hell is wrong with people in Shitcago? Not to be incendiary, but that town could never do more than boast a mediocre music scene at best, the local rags clutching at straws to prop up any no-talent act they could find that could be passed off as halfway cool. If that city weren’t the size that it was, no one would pay any attention to most of the bands that spill out of it. Now, on the other hand, here you have these obscure, crazy records that hail back to the Glory Days of Punk and New Wave and what do they do? Stick them in thrift stores and dollar bins! I couldn’t find a single person who even heard of them until I finally met one of the dudes in the band! I think the shit they pour in the water to make the citizens of that town agree to their idiotic gun laws and vote for their parasite politicians must affect their taste in music, as well! It baffles the mind.
SAMPLE TRACK:
Download HERE
MEN / E-Space – Split LP (1982)
This is the last MEN release I was ever able to find. If there is other stuff, it has not been my pleasure to hear it. If you made it past the first two LP’s, this one holds no surprises. There are two songs by MEN in the same vein as their other stuff and two songs by a Hip-Hop band called E-Space, which shared the bass player, Reggie Mars. Mr. Poopy can’t claim to be a huge fan of hip-hop, so it is only fitting that one of the few records of the genre I own would consist of a couple people rapping about Dr. Who. Go figure.
SAMPLE TRACK:
Download HERE
Richard & Willie – “Funky Honkey, Nasty Nigger” LP (1975)
The cover of this LP has shown up on a few sites that like to show off bad record covers and, yet, none of those sites were considerate enough to offer the contents of the record. What a tease! Well, I will now rectify that and, honestly, I don’t see what all the fuss is about—the cover looks fine to me! For some reason humor tends not to stand the test of time. What was hilarious twenty years ago may not be considered nearly as funny today. Regardless, this thing seems to hold up a little better than many, although it is mostly potty-mouth and sex joke stuff.
Download HERE