Glorify The Turd

Permission Denied?

Anyone else out there running into this stuff from MediaFire?  One of my readers brought this to my attention and then I started running across it on other sites.  Here we go again.  It would be one thing if they were actually showing concern for the artists, but instead they are just trying to rope you into giving money to Amazon or iTunes.  Nevah!  You think White Flag is getting money from Amazon for their out of print CD? And they don’t offer the LP for download, either.  If you run into this crap on my site, leave a note in the comments and I’ll try to fix it.

Back In Business!

All the old posts have now been switched over to MediaFire and the site is, once again, fully functional.  Let’s see how long this lasts, shall we?  I have to admit my confidence in MediaFire could be a little higher, but I’ll give them a chance.  And am I the only one who has trouble with their multi-uploader?  It rarely works and you have to upload one file at a time, hovering over the site until it goes through.  To compound the problem, the nearest high speed internet connection I have is a gas station on the edge of the nearest town with minimal heat and stinks of fried pork tenderloin and potato wedges.  So here I am, stinking of pork tenderloins and potato wedges, and what the hell have you clowns done for me?  Nuthin’!

Oh, and I did some long-overdue site maintenance while I was waiting and stinking.  Basically, I added some new categories to aid in site navigation.  Now, you can get all the Mentors and El Duce posts at the click of a mouse and I did the same with a couple other bands and genres.  I have also received a couple requests in the past to put together a list of some of the top retard and fake Punk releases.  Well, I’m not sure if I can really comply with such a request but, as far as this site goes, I added the categories of Poopy Punk and Poopy Rock that, while containing some legitimate releases, tends to gravitate more towards the bands and artists who went the extra mile in general dumbassitude and crapola.  Not that most of this stuff isn’t stupid, mind you!  I have some new posts in the works and should have them up by then end of the week.

Tony Randall and Lynn Redgrave – “The Power Is You” LP (1979)

As a cynical bastard, there’s nothing more fun than throwing stones and insults at some desperate characters seeking to save the world through their religion or political group or what-have-you.  Of course, the problem with all these people is that, once you get down to brass tacks, all of their brilliant schemes for saving humanity and peace on earth seem to hinge on everyone agreeing on some key point or points, failing to realize that, if people were innately capable of collectively achieving that condition on a global scale, we wouldn’t have all these problems in the first place.  But you gotta love them for trying, although some of these characters can really get on one’s nerves.

So here we have Felix Ungar and Georgy Girl attempting to bring light and spiritual uplifting to our troubled species and, in truth, it’s really hard to knock them, prick that I am.  Basically, they offer some pretty sensible advice that transcends religious dogma.  Unfortunately, they use the medium of Broadway show tunes to convey it, making this a very odd listen.  Even more odd is that this came out in 1979—way past the point where this sort of Hippie love-your-brother philosophy was in vogue.   In fact, by that time, people were getting good and ready to start hating each other again and indulge in a nice healthy streak of selfishness and materialism!

Love the cover art on this one, as well: a rainbow blasting into the top of some sexually ambiguous human’s skull and leaking out it’s tits and hands.  Or is the rainbow blasting out of the skull?  You see it your way; I’ll see it mine.  I can’t help but wonder if there was some sort of stage show or TV special that went along with this thing, but I’ve never found any evidence to confirm this.  A train wreck?  This thing starts bouncing off the tracks about ten seconds into it!

REAR COVER

RAINBOW BLAST!

SAMPLE TRACKS:

We’ve Got To Get Back To Basics

The Human Spirit

Make People Laugh

Download HERE

Kryon – “Seven Responsibilities Of The New Age” Tape (199?)

I’m pleased to say I can’t claim an intimate familiarity with drugs like coke, crack, meth, smack, etc., but there’s this stuff that would leave the user wandering around town, mumbling to themselves, only vaguely aware of their surroundings, only to eventually collapse in a heap due to exhaustion, often pissing and shitting themselves in the process.  I always assumed it was rock, but my guess is the eventual collapse was the result of sleep deprivation from days of non-stop use, rather than the drug itself.  So I’m doing my usual digging in a thrift shop in a crummy part of town and one of those zombies walks in, mumbling and acting sketchy, but I’m the only one who seems to notice the guy, as most of the other customers and employees are almost as brain-dead as he is.  He disappears from sight for a couple minutes, only to reappear with a pair of like-new brown leather cowboy boots on his feet, with the tags still on them and his pants tucked in.  He starts walking down the aisle towards me but it was at this point that his legs gave out from under him and he falls to the ground, bashing his head on the steel clothes rack with blood gushing out of his head all over the floor.

Now, mind you, I’ve seen a lot of people lose their shit, so, in a rare presence of mind, I began watching the clock at the other end of the store and watched as some of the other zombies stepped over his bleeding body like he wasn’t even there for about five minutes, before somebody did something about it.  And why didn’t the only white dude for miles, who happened to see the whole thing, run over and attend to his, very likely, HIV-infected ass, you might ask?  Geeze, I don’t know, but they don’t call me Mr. Poopy for nothing.  At any rate, as the walking dead man finally got to his feet, he grabbed a straw cowboy hat, that just happened to be laying near by, smearing blood all over it with his bloody hands, and jammed it crookedly on top of his bleeding head as he ran out the door with the stolen cowboy boots.  And the point of this story is what?  Nothing!  Except that I went back to my digging and I found this Kryon tape that I am offering in this post and, every time I look at it, I think of that freak in the thrift store.

So what do the folks at Kryon believe?  Well, basically, that we are all space aliens, sent here to Earth to inhabit human bodies and increase the Earth’s cosmic vibrations until we get to shed our Earth bodies and travel back to the Mother Planet and live in bliss for all eternity.  Makes sense to me.

SAMPLE:

You Are The Light Of The World

Download HERE

Silent Tools Of Justice – Booklet (1991)

Two Sides Of The Equation

Well, I haven’t put up any literature in a while, so I’ll subject you people to an exceptional piece of nastiness from my sordid archives.  Do I need to state that I don’t take this shit seriously?  I suppose in this age of Big Brother I do, so I’ll state flat out that I’m definitely not on board with this author in this slightest.  In fact, I suspect the guy who wrote this thing may have been a little nuts, but I am basing my theory on past experiences with similar wingnuts, rather than any personal knowledge of the writer.  Why do I even own this thing?  Well, I own tons of stuff like this, mainly because I am not a big fan of fiction, being of a frame of mind that compels me to get material on “fringe” elements in our society straight from the source and form my own opinion, rather than ingest what some writer has to say about it.

The Illusion Of Freedom

What we have here is a book that basically instructs the reader on how to poison people to death.  What kind of people?  Politicians, pro-abortionists, judges, cops and probably just about anyone else that would piss off a cat like the writer and, apparently, old Maynard wasn’t the easiest guy to get along with, as he wound up getting himself killed in prison.  Or was it the Government?!?!  Oooooh! Who knows?  And who cares, as at this point I don’t put anything past the overall potential for human rottenness.  All the same, I find something about this particular piece of literature to be exceptionally vile and an endless source of grisly fascination to me.  I mean, poisoning someone to death has to be one of the most cowardly, pussy-ass ways to do a guy in that I can possibly think of, for starters! Just get a load of what some of the things described in this book will do to a guy and you’ll see what I mean.

While this can be used as an example of propaganda from the extreme Right, I choose to see it as an example of a state of mind.

Good Hunting

What state of mind?  Well, at some point in some peoples lives there comes a time when they realize things aren’t quite right with the world.  Perhaps they might convince themselves that every politician on the face of the earth is a criminal scumbag and a puppet owned by a private entity, and that every “decision” they make is actually part of some sweetheart deal for their own benefit and often to the detriment of the people they are supposed to be serving.  Perhaps they will get it in their head that the police, the media, the education system, and so on are all in on the deal, as well, helping to serve the same people who own the politicians by keeping the public in line.  Needless to say, exposure to these unpleasant facts of life can serve to rain on one’s parade to a certain degree and may cause a certain type of person to want to “do something about it”.  And exactly what would that be?  For some, it may mean getting involved in politics and grassroots organizations that educate the public a la Alex Jones.  For others, it means lashing out at

Hang The Judge

whatever form of authority crosses their field of vision, doing shit that is guaranteed to get you noticed by the powers that be by making a big show out of not paying taxes or refusing to get a social security number or drivers license, or starting wars with local law enforcement.  It seems to me that the former method is preferable to the latter, but to each his own, I say.  However, there is nothing I disrespect more than a guy who martyrs himself for no good reason.  Life is for living and I can’t fathom why a guy would hang himself out to dry, pissing off the authorities by publishing a worthless piece of shit like this—and I’ve published my share of worthless shit, believe me!!  Supposedly, 60,000 of these were put into circulation—a relative drop in the bucket compared to any mainstream publication, but you can bet your ass this guy made a shit-list or two for his troubles.  And for what?  The amusement of Mr. Poopy?  Well, if that’s the case, mission accomplished, buddy!  Suffice it to say, it appears that he failed to inspire too many people to do his dirty work for him, as all the stuff in this book has been available on the Internet for years, but I can’t say I’m aware of too many politicians keeling over from Ricin or anything else for that matter.

This book is about as nasty as it gets—definitely not for the squeamish!  This is a high quality scan–not like the pictures in this post.

Download HERE

Kali Bahlu – “Cosmic Remembrance” LP (1967)

I hadn’t listened to this record in years, prior to doing this blog and I had truly forgotten how nuts this LP is.  It really doesn’t get much weirder than this one and to say they don’t make ‘em quite like Kali Bahlu anymore would be putting it mildly.  I simply can’t imagine who would have bought this thing back in 1967–even your typical, stupid Hippie would have had little use for this kind of insanity.  What we have here are four cosmic “fairy tales”, narrated by the piercing voice of an LSD-inebriated Kali Bahlu.  Anyone ever watch those old Dragnet episodes with Hippies in them?  Well, Kali could have easily fit in with that crowd, as this record almost comes off as a cartoon of someone completely out of their mind on drugs.  But this is no cartoon—the lady is serious.  My favorite track on this is “A Cosmic Telephone Call From The Angel Liesle And The Buddha”, but WordPress isn’t cooperating with me, so you’ll have to download to hear it.  Trust me, it doesn’t get any more “outer-limits” than this shit!

SAMPLE TRACK:

How Can I Tell My Guru

Download HERE

Holy Right – “Stand As One” LP (1986)

Another Christian rock LP, I’m sure you’re all dying to hear.  One look at the cheesy logo (it could pass for some 7^th grade kid’s art project) and the band member’s obvious mastery of 80’s Metal hair and style, and I was whipping out my $1.99.  Stryper this shit ain’t—and that’s a good thing!  In fact, these guys actually rock and I suspect a couple of them were Iron Maiden fans at some point in time—the lead singer even sounds a bit like Bruce Dickinson.  There are no corny ballads on this thing—every song is a heavy power-chord rocker, albeit somewhat cheesy.  But Mr. Poopy likes cheese and the fact that these kids appear to be genuinely passionate about what they’re doing really shines through.  Give me one Holy Right over 100 fake political hardcore bands any day of the week!  And don’t try to tell me you shmoes don’t have guilty pleasures like this!  Ha!  Pity you, if you don’t!

Holy, Right?

SAMPLE TRACKS:

Satan Leave That Boy Alone

Holy Right

Download HERE

Amaziah – “Straight Talker” LP (1979)

When I found this LP in a thrift store I felt certain I had found the next big thing.  Just look at these guys!  While this was obviously a Christian Rock outfit, the band is totally Punked-out and what’s up with the dripping blood lettering?  Very weird.  Was it an attempt to rope non-Christians into buying the record?  Who knows?  At any rate, I was doomed to disappointment for, upon throwing down the needle, I found that the only Punk thing about them is that they can barely play their instruments and that the type of music they were barely playing seemed more derived from Deep Purple, Boston and Bad Company than the Stones, Ramones or the Sex Pistols.  For some reason this record actually fetches a few bucks; are there Christian Rock record geeks, too?

Straight Talker!!!!!!

SAMPLE TRACKS:

He Is Lord

Way Truth Life

Download HERE

Dr. Jack Van Impe – “The Coming War With Russia” LP (1973)

Should anyone be in need of an example of what a complete, gibbering lunatic sounds like, this LP should suffice.  Honestly, I’ve listened to this LP about a half dozen times now and I still can’t give a detailed outline of what transpires on this thing.  Mr. Van Impe is one of those religious fruitcakes that steals passages from the “Big Book Of Jewish Fairy Tales” and molds them to fit his “prophecies”—and manages to make a decent living at it, to boot!  Sure, it sounds like I’m “hating” on the guy here, but I’m actually jealous.  If someone gave me the chance to “interpret” the ambiguous crap in that book to earn my bread and butter, I could do it all fucking day—and probably better!  I think I might have missed my calling—but it’s never too late!  The thing is, I suspect you have to either be a complete lunatic or raving sociopath to feed people that sort of bullshit with a straight face, so maybe it’s not for me after all.

I saw an ad for this guy on TV a couple weeks ago, so apparently Jack Van Impe is still going strong.  I figure there have to be at least several million idiots out there who buy into this sort of shit–and each of them should have to pay me a dollar.  That should balance out the universe.

SAMPLE TRACK:

Dr. Jack Van Impe

Download HERE

Hal Lindsey – “The 1980′s: Countdown To Armageddon” LP (1980)

Well, I hope no one has been holding their breath since this one came out.  Looks like we’re still here almost thirty years later, so what do you have to say about that, Hal?  Seems like there is always some jerk trying to tells us it’s the end of the world and right now they’re going hog wild with it.  It’s gonna happen in 2012—look out!!  My fuckin’ ass!!  Don’t even get my hopes up!!  Hal Lindsey, as some of you may or may not know, wrote a book and later a movie called “ The Late, Great Planet Earth” that had a lot of people’s panties in a bundle back in the day.  I think he had a TV show, as well, but I’m fishing the old memory banks on that one.  A quick search reveals that this guy is still alive, but I haven’t heard a thing about him in years.

What we have here is your typical Christian nuttiness and Prophecy based on the “Big Book Of Jewish Fairy Tales”. Lunatics like this have been providing folks like me with something to laugh at for years and years.  And it will never end.  These people are never going to shut up until they get the Armageddon they’ve been praying for.

Download HERE

Joe Aufricht – “Mockery & Perversion” Cassette (1995)

If this Blog accomplishes nothing else, it will be that the world will finally get to hear all the Joe Aufricht tapes.  Not that the world is dying to hear it mind you, and you may wish you were dead after about ten minutes of this shit!  Parts of the “Perversion” side of this tape have been kicking around the web for a while, but now you clowns get to hear the whole thing.  Honestly, I couldn’t guess at the number of times I’ve listened to Side One of this tape—I’d definitely say a lot—possibly nearing the triple digits.  I kid you not.  But I’m not alone in my love of this tape and Mr. Aufricht should take a bow for amusing us far more than we deserve.

I’ll confess I’m a little clumsy at explaining this thing, but what Joe says in the first couple sentences of Side One pretty much sums it up, whether you realize it or not.  The uninitiated may listen to this and think they are listening to some guy trying to be weird / offensive / sophomoric and while, indeed, it does sound like that, I can assure you that you are dead wrong to think so.  Understand that and clear your mind of all illusions to the contrary.  Joe is not joking around on this thing—he is totally serious.  Once you have fully grasped that fact, it starts to take on entirely new dimensions and the real fun begins. This thing really smacks you in the back brain and, if it doesn’t, then you are not being honest with yourself or, perhaps, you’re a woman.  Realize that this only makes sense to Joe and that it is only meaningful to Joe and that he could care less if it means anything to anybody else but him.  If you can’t get through this tape, the other ones below will be even tougher.

Joe also plays guitar in a Black Metal band called Satanicon, despite the fact that he has to be almost fifty years old by now and, no doubt, the mentally fit, rational members of that community are doing wonders for the guy!  Hail Satanic Youthfulness!

Inside Cover

Download (Mediafire) HERE

Joe Aufricht – “Youthful Satanic Ecstacy” Cassette (1993)

Here is another of the four Joe Aufricht tapes I own.  I believe this was his first one–not like it matters.  Did you ever play with a tape recorder when you were a kid, making your own little radio shows, perhaps?  Well, I did.  It was tons of fun, too.  Apparently, Mr. Aufricht enjoyed it, as well.  In fact, he like it so much, he figured he’d keep right on doing it up into his early 30’s.  In this thing, he is traveling back in time and recreating a period in his life when he was 13-years-old and fell in love with a 9-year-old girl a couple of grades below him.  Was there a “target audience” for this stuff, Joe?

Inside Cover

Download HERE

Joe Aufricht – “Evil Phone Prankster” Cassette (1994)

In this one, Joe is back to the year of 1994 and is no longer 13-years-old.  However, he still hasn’t gotten over the 9-year-old he had the hots for, although I gather this story takes place when they are a little older.  This is as close as he gets to a straightforward narrative, but it still isn’t easy to get through from start to finish.  If one thing stands out immediately, it’s that Joe just doesn’t know when to quit.  Seriously.  And how does he remember all this shit in such vivid detail?  The guy is recalling events that happened 20 years ago, as a child, no less, like it was a couple of days ago, complete with dialogue!  I think most people are pretty happy to forget those awkward early teen years, but Joe is completely hung up on them and is determined to re-live them, only getting it right the second time around!  This is a tale of insanity and desperate young love, told through the lips of a maniac.

Inside Cover

Download HERE

Joe Aufricht – “Propaganda Interview” Cassette (1995)

If you managed to get this far, this interview will serve to explain a bit of it at least.  Recorded live on WCSB in Cleveland, Joe discusses his church, Satanism, and answers questions from callers.

Download HERE

Johnny Flag – “America’s Going Down The Drain” Cassette (199?)

This is the first of many “underground”, “Right Wing” recordings I will be sharing here.  If this sort of thing bugs you, don’t come here, because there is plenty more where this came from.  The fact that the media demonizes and suppresses the messages of these people should be a clue to a clever person that these sorts of things deserve some scrutiny, but sheep will be sheep.

Inside Cover

What we have here is some straight up country and western, all songs having been written by a certain Ross Hullett, who once headed the Oklahoma Militia.  Lyrically, these songs are all hard-line anti-New World Order all the way with a bit of pro-Christian ideology thrown in for good measure.  There was a huge boom of these sorts of groups during the Clinton administration and, once again, I am seeing a HUGE resurgence of this sort of thing since the election of the Messiah.  In fact, these songs sound a lot more relevant now than when I first bought it around 1996 or so.  While I could probably do without the Christian rhetoric, Mr. Flag socks it to ‘em on this thing and I can say that, with the possible exception of “Hide The Saxophone”, every song on here is pretty good—so good I can almost smell the gun oil!

Download HERE

Isaac Air Freight – “KUSS” (1980)

It takes a keen eye and a sharp wit to mine the gold from the piles of lame Christian records that fill the record bins of thrift stores across America.  Suffice it to say, Mr. Poopy possesses such an eye and wit and, thus, I present you with these ridiculous recordings.  Isaac Air Freight was a Christian comedy group who took a hard-line, fundamentalist approach for the most part, and cranked out a few albums in the 1970’s and 1980’s.  These guys were by no means idiots and, unlike other contemporaries, actually possessed a fair degree of wit but, as one can only imagine, anything based on their kind of death-cult philosophy can do little but suck the fun out of just about anything!

What we have here is a skit on the evils of Punk Rock, featuring a fake band called “Kuss”.  Actually, I think the band sounds pretty good—that “I’m Bored / You’re Bored” song really speaks to me!  Classic stuff that I bet 99.9% of the punkers on the planet never had a chance to hear.  I also offer up “Cult”, which I feel requires little explanation.

Take a closer look at the cover art below.  On the front you have the guys preaching to a couple of scientist / mathematician types and a scholar, while on the back you see the scientists marginalized, wearing dunce caps, and the scholarly chap with his hat removed joining the gang in prayer—thus, the “fools are confounding the wise”!  Get it?  And the hilarity just goes on and on, so much so that I even uploaded the entire LP for you other nuts who get a kick out of getting into these people’s heads!

Listen to tracks below:

KUSS

Cult

Download LP HERE