Glorify The Turd

Permission Denied?

Anyone else out there running into this stuff from MediaFire?  One of my readers brought this to my attention and then I started running across it on other sites.  Here we go again.  It would be one thing if they were actually showing concern for the artists, but instead they are just trying to rope you into giving money to Amazon or iTunes.  Nevah!  You think White Flag is getting money from Amazon for their out of print CD? And they don’t offer the LP for download, either.  If you run into this crap on my site, leave a note in the comments and I’ll try to fix it.

Dr. Sadistic And The Silverking Crybabies – “Pyramid Punk” LP (1980)

Looks like we’re overdue for some posts again.  Sorry, guys, but I’m busy—not that I owe you clowns anything.  No, I don’t owe you a damn thing and, in fact, this particular record is a donation of sorts, recently given to me by an old friend.  I first heard this thing about 7 or 8 years ago and was so impressed with it, that I felt compelled to fetch it out of the pile and beg for it.  And, of course, it’s for a worthy cause, right?  So why would I go through so much trouble?  Because it’s a great record that needs to be shared with the world?  Don’t be silly!  And check your URL while you’re at it and recognize that, yes, you are here and, no, you should know better than that by now.  In fact I would dare to say that this is one of the most heinous, crap fake Punk records I have ever heard in my life and, like the cover says, it is of “no redeeming social value”.  Unfortunately, it is of no musical value, either.   The back cover also makes the claim that this is a “concept album” and I have to agree that, if the concept is making an LP of unlistenable Disco-influenced crapola, it succeeds with flying colors!  And that’s enough of that, but let me finish my flame by adding that, if you managed to tolerate some of the other bad Punk records I’ve churned up, this baby just might be the one to put you on the ropes!

So, with the necessary (and deserved) bashing out of the way, let me try to halfway defend this thing a little bit.  First off, they were from Aspen, Colorado.  Never been there, but I can only imagine that being a working stiff in a town like that would have to royally suck, so I can offer some degree of sympathy and possibly a little leeway, but this record came out in 1980.  Secondly, I have to admit the lyrics are pretty good, actually above average and pretty funny but, man, is this thing ever a tough listen!  But to each his own, right?  Obviously, some dude who smoked a lot of cigarettes liked the thing, because the B-Side is thrashed and it smells like an ashtray.  I should also mention that, if it were between listening to this thing or The Spooks, I’d pick this baby, hands down!

The Gang

SAMPLE TRACKS:

Mad At The World

Gucci Pucci Asshole

Download HERE

Back In Business!

All the old posts have now been switched over to MediaFire and the site is, once again, fully functional.  Let’s see how long this lasts, shall we?  I have to admit my confidence in MediaFire could be a little higher, but I’ll give them a chance.  And am I the only one who has trouble with their multi-uploader?  It rarely works and you have to upload one file at a time, hovering over the site until it goes through.  To compound the problem, the nearest high speed internet connection I have is a gas station on the edge of the nearest town with minimal heat and stinks of fried pork tenderloin and potato wedges.  So here I am, stinking of pork tenderloins and potato wedges, and what the hell have you clowns done for me?  Nuthin’!

Oh, and I did some long-overdue site maintenance while I was waiting and stinking.  Basically, I added some new categories to aid in site navigation.  Now, you can get all the Mentors and El Duce posts at the click of a mouse and I did the same with a couple other bands and genres.  I have also received a couple requests in the past to put together a list of some of the top retard and fake Punk releases.  Well, I’m not sure if I can really comply with such a request but, as far as this site goes, I added the categories of Poopy Punk and Poopy Rock that, while containing some legitimate releases, tends to gravitate more towards the bands and artists who went the extra mile in general dumbassitude and crapola.  Not that most of this stuff isn’t stupid, mind you!  I have some new posts in the works and should have them up by then end of the week.

Poopy Bad Bar Band And Lousy Punk Record Fest Part 1: Throbbing Masses – “The Way We Were” 7″ (19??)

Does anyone else out there get burned out on music?  As I shovel down my breakfast in the morning before racing out the door, I look at a wall full of records and it dawns on me how rarely I spin them and how little I care.  A phase, perhaps, but I cannot tell a lie, as none of my records are really rocking my world right now, although I’ve been downloading some great stuff.  At any rate, seeing as I have a blog to run and I’m completely uninspired, I figure I might as well tap into some records I have been on a fence with or flat out don’t like at all, but figure I might as well share them due to obscurity—and the chance to be a dick and make snide comments!  Ha!

I remember a while back reading a comment on some other site where some guy goes, “That’s a bunch of bar band crap—you should get the guy from Glorify The Turd to do it!”  Ouch!  Owwwwwwwwch!  Words hurt, buddy!!  So you think some of this stuff is bad, do you?  Well, stick tight, ‘cuz you ain’t heard nothin’, yet!  Honestly, I wish I had about a thousand of these records from the old days so I could have a blog called “It Was From 1978 And It Sucked Balls”.  Or something like that.

So let us begin this sordid series with Throbbing Masses.  I’ve never heard of them, there’s no date on the record, and there’s nothing on the web.  It does, however, have that late 70’s New York City Art Rock stink to it, so that would have to be my guess, although it could have just as easily come out in the 80’s or 90’s.  The A-Side is a cover song of origins I won’t bother to look up because I don’t care—I’m sure you’ve heard it.  The flip is a total waste of studio time and vinyl.  I mean I’m all about the novelty records, but this isn’t really a novelty record by my definition and, instead of using the track to showcase their dubious “talents”, the guys decide to fill it with nonsense that any jerk could have come up with in his sleep.   The tracks are below.  Enjoy!

Rear Cover

THE TRACKS:

The Way We Were

Nothing

Download (MediaFire) HERE

Poopy Bad Bar Band And Lousy Punk Record Fest Part 2: Policeband – “Stereo / Mono” 7″ (1979)

Well, this is another record that reeks of NYC Art Rock stink and, sure enough, it’s from New York.  Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if a few folks out there choose to defend this one, but I’ve had this record forever and the Poopy thumb has remained consistently down.  In fact, it’s pretty much crashing through the floor!  I suppose some might argue that it is early industrial or experimental or what-have-you.  Well, say it at your own blog.  Take my rip and have my blessings!  There are some folks out there who eat this stuff up.  I spit it out.

There are actually separate tracks on this thing, but I didn’t break them down.  It’s not necessary.

Rear Cover

THE TRACKS:

Stereo (Side 1)

Mono (Side 2)

Download (MediaFire) HERE

Dewey And The Big Dogs – “All Alone / No One Can Tell” 7″ (1984)

Another Wichita, KS contribution by Bo Reusch and I honestly don’t know what to say about this one, except that it found its way to the right place!  Perhaps, if this came out in 1980 or so it might have earned a spot on one of those Power Pearl comps or something, but 1984?  It’s a tough call, but one thing that isn’t a tough call is the fact that, despite all the retro synth crap that has been foisted on us in recent years, the keyboard sound on this record NEVER became “cool” again!  At least not yet!  Score one for room-clearing power, score two for the dated bopiness and goofiness of the songs themselves, and score three for the fact that the guys could actually play.  A fun record to be sure, but is it good?  The answer is blowing in the Kansas winds………..

THE TRACKS:

All Alone

No One Can Tell

Download (MediaFire) HERE

Fugitive Poetry – “The Colours Of The Poet” LP (1985)

Uh, oh this thing looks arty!  Well, give it a chance—I’ve had this record for a couple of months and the Poopy thumb hasn’t turned down, yet.  As a rule I’m pretty quick to dismiss this sort of thing if I smell even the faintest whiff that their shtick is being forced or any sort of obnoxious pretense.  Although I couldn’t tell you specifically why, this one seems to pass the sniff test for some reason.  There’s a clear lack of inhibitions in their presentation and the recording mix is lovingly mastered and druggy as hell, yet the tunes themselves are simplistic and still have roots in basic rock.  It’s grown on me.

As far as the band goes, I know little and have no memory of the record at the time of release or how it was received.  The band originally hailed from the not-too-often heard from city of Dearborn, MI and seemed to be a part of the Detroit scene.   The lead singer went on to become a performance artist and, think what you will of it, it’s a pretty ballsy way to put bread on the table.  As a side note, I go to look this up on eBay and there’s one guy selling it for $9.99 and some other dude trying to sell it for $80.00!  How the fuck do these people come up with this shit?

SAMPLE TRACKS:

This Must Be Hell

You Won’t Break

Download  HERE

Right Wing – Gaddafi (Don’t Let Gaddafi Murder Me) 7″ (1986)

I’m still alive folks and new servings of crapola are coming very soon.  However, this one was just too topical to pass up a quick post.  So are we getting too political here?  Don’t be silly, but I’d love to know what you so-called “anarchists” find so interesting about this place.  So what am I supposed to do now?  Start trolling the web for info on this deservedly obscure piece of junk?  Meh.  I’m too lazy–look it up yourself!

Rear Cover

Gaddafi

THE TRACKS:

Gaddafi – Don’t Let Gaddafi Murder Me

Gaddafi Instrumental

Download  HERE

The Tinglers – “White Boots In The Night” 7″ (1983)

I really do like the song “White Boots In The Night”, although sharing that fact with the general public is like airing my dirty laundry.  For all intents and purposes, I should hate this thing, as this band is clearly aiming to please and the song’s catchiness appeals to the lowest common denominator of mindless pop sensibilities.  But this song is so cheesy, druggy and 80’s-sounding, I just can’t help myself and the entire 2:05 minutes of this would-be Top 40 hit are so insidiously catchy it just sticks in your brain and won’t get out until you play it from start to finish two or three times—and I hate myself every time I do it!  Too bad it came out in 1983, as it would have been a hit if it had come out a couple years earlier.

Some copies had a great, cheesy picture sleeve, but I don’t have it—but it’s not from lack of trying.  If someone could scan me the sleeve and upload it, I’ll be your imaginary friend.  Oh, yeah, the flipside?  Meh.  It’s listenable and doesn’t totally suck.

THE TRACKS:

White Boots In The Night

Just A Little Crazy

Or Download HERE

New Toys – “Say It” LP (1982)

And here’s another trip to yesterday’s used bin.  Or is it the Rust Belt’s used bin of yesterday?  Supposedly, the individuals involved with this band were some of the original Punkers and Wavers from the Buffalo / Western New York area, but I wasn’t there and wouldn’t know one way or the other, although tunes like F.Y.Y.B. may give a hint of more raucous times.  However, by the time this record came out, these guys were a bunch of Power Poopers who were aiming to please.  Not a bad record, really, and it has a “pearl” or two, but I can only handle this sort of stuff in limited doses as it isn’t exactly my “thing”, if you know what I mean.

Say It!!

SAMPLE TRACKS:

F.Y.Y.B.

Time Will Tell

Say It

Download HERE

BONE – S/T 7″ (1979)

This was another $0.50 Mr. Poopy special that turned out to be something other than I expected.  I bought this record because the band was from  Florida and looked like a bunch of cheese-balls in their matching shirts and macho posing.  I was anticipating a big, fat slab-o-cheesy crap-rock in the vein of .38 Special or some other 80’s crap, so imagine my surprise when I toss the needle down and find this weird minimalist synth New Wave stuff instead, leaning more towards the Tubeway Army end of the spectrum.  Not too bad, really, but these guys are still scrotum.

Rear Cover

THE TRACKS:

Pirate The Islands

The Headlines Have It

Or get it HERE