70's Punk 80's Punk / HC 90's Punk / HC Biker Casserole Rock El Duce Extremist Hard Rock Joe Aufricht Literature Mentors Metal Nazi New Wave Political Poopy Punk Poopy Rock Racist Religious Sixties Smut Spoken Word Uncategorized Weirdo
Anyone else out there running into this stuff from MediaFire? One of my readers brought this to my attention and then I started running across it on other sites. Here we go again. It would be one thing if they were actually showing concern for the artists, but instead they are just trying to rope you into giving money to Amazon or iTunes. Nevah! You think White Flag is getting money from Amazon for their out of print CD? And they don’t offer the LP for download, either. If you run into this crap on my site, leave a note in the comments and I’ll try to fix it.
70's Punk 80's Punk / HC 90's Punk / HC Biker Casserole Rock El Duce Extremist Hard Rock Joe Aufricht Literature Mentors Metal Nazi New Wave Political Poopy Punk Poopy Rock Racist Religious Sixties Smut Spoken Word Weirdo
All the old posts have now been switched over to MediaFire and the site is, once again, fully functional. Let’s see how long this lasts, shall we? I have to admit my confidence in MediaFire could be a little higher, but I’ll give them a chance. And am I the only one who has trouble with their multi-uploader? It rarely works and you have to upload one file at a time, hovering over the site until it goes through. To compound the problem, the nearest high speed internet connection I have is a gas station on the edge of the nearest town with minimal heat and stinks of fried pork tenderloin and potato wedges. So here I am, stinking of pork tenderloins and potato wedges, and what the hell have you clowns done for me? Nuthin’!
Oh, and I did some long-overdue site maintenance while I was waiting and stinking. Basically, I added some new categories to aid in site navigation. Now, you can get all the Mentors and El Duce posts at the click of a mouse and I did the same with a couple other bands and genres. I have also received a couple requests in the past to put together a list of some of the top retard and fake Punk releases. Well, I’m not sure if I can really comply with such a request but, as far as this site goes, I added the categories of Poopy Punk and Poopy Rock that, while containing some legitimate releases, tends to gravitate more towards the bands and artists who went the extra mile in general dumbassitude and crapola. Not that most of this stuff isn’t stupid, mind you! I have some new posts in the works and should have them up by then end of the week.
Here is yet another endorsement for one of the last great shit rockers left on the planet: Dr. Heathen Scum, bass player for The Mentors and Musical God. If you’ve been following this blog, this man and his band’s exploits need no introduction, nor does my rabid and unapologetic loyalty require explanation. If you’re like me, you’ve probably bought a few of his solo projects already and, if you’re like me, probably give them an average to above average rating. They’re decent schlock and have their charm, but fail to live up to Mentors level scumbummery. This one, however, is different and the music is actually pretty catchy, very well recorded with killer production, and the lyrics ain’t too bad, either–relatively speaking! As far as Dr. Scum’s solo output goes, I’d have to say the title of this disc lives up to the name and is by far the best thing he’s ever done. And what else can I say? The guy is probably in his late 40’s or early 50’s! What the hell will you be doing when you’re that age? What the hell are you doing now? You should be so blessed as to maintain a set of balls like Mr. Broy has done, and the lyrics on some of these songs reflect that of an old guy who is more alive than many people not even half his age. So what does it sound like? Well, there are twelve songs on the thing. I figure it should take you about twelve seconds for you to figure it out!
Somehow or other, this blog has managed to last almost two years and, since I don’t trust myself to get organized and post on the actual anniversary, we’ll commemorate the occasion by putting up a recording that I actually like a lot (and you will, too!): the first El Duce solo effort! Unlike the other tapes, this one has actually been reissued a couple times and I think I even saw it on LP once. Well, no matter, because I know most of you clowns never heard of it and wouldn’t trouble yourselves to track it down even if you had. Thus, it is my pleasure to shine the light of Mr. Hoke’s wit, wisdom and vocal styling into your otherwise dull and pointless lives. As far as the songs go, “Slutfucking Man” is the top rocker by far, a great track that should have been on one of the Metal Blade releases, showing the band at their best. My personal favorite, however, would have to be “White Trash Man”, followed closely by “Hershey Highway”, a true anthem for the ages where El Duce applies his might as the greatest dirty limerick writer of all time, concocting more synonyms for the human anal track than any song in recorded history!
The local thrift store finally churned up Part IV of the “Apocalypse Series” and, let me tell you, Mr. T has never looked (or acted) better! I only mention this because, like you will be forced to take “The Mark” in order to buy, sell, or get a job in the upcoming “Tribulation”, you won’t be allowed to buy, sell, work, or breath in the upcoming “Poopy Tribulation” if you don’t have at least a passing familiarity with this classic piece of musical trash and can recite at least one of El Duce’s moronic one-liners. When I was 17 just about every dude I knew had at least a copy of this record and we could all recite the ridiculous dialogue El Duce spews between songs verbatim and, in truth that is the best part of the record, although the live sound quality is adequate.
This was recorded prior to the Metal Blade years and the band still had a more stripped-down hard rock sound. A brief search on YouTube dredged up THIS footage from the era, but it doesn’t look like there’s too much of a video legacy of those days, other than those movies they made. Another point of interest is that they manage to get through two sets without some dumb feminist jumping on stage and grabbing the mic! Seriously, did these idiots go to pro-wrestling events and protest violence, as well? Yeah, The Mentors are a pretty tough sell with the ladies, but I will steadfastly argue that there is a place in the world for bands like this, and it is an endless source of annoyance that contemporary audiences fail to see the humor and cathartic relief that outfits like this provided. Note the background noises on the Cathay De Grande side of the record—the entire audience sounds doped and drunk out of their minds!
When I first got this about six months ago, the first thing to go through my head was, “Dude, you’re NOT going to start liking this garbage!” After about a half a dozen listens, the next thing I said to myself was, “Dude, you’re not going to write about this piece of shit on your blog. NO! Nooooooooooo!” Yes. You see, I just can’t be true to myself as a purveyor of crap to not make some mention of this mess.
So what do we have here? Well, at some point El Duce from The Mentors managed to knock up some chick over in Nether-Netherland and, some twenty-five odd years later, the Music Gods saw fit to have the child do a studio project with his former bass player. So basically we have El Duce’s bastard child with a heavy Dutch accent singing female Top 40 vocals alongside fifty-something year-old Dr. Heathen Scum, bellowing like El Duce, doing a series of duets and, believe me, this ain’t Dolly and Kenny or even Wendy O and Lemmy for that matter. Well, you can’t argue with the concept, at least! And the lyrics are crude, dumb as fuck, and leave nothing to the imagination. You really need ears of steel to get through the entire CD, but I will make the argument that this is, indeed, essential listening for all true El Duce and Mentors fans, not to mention any true connoisseur of unlistenable musical excrement. Two Poopy thumbs up on this one, but it’s only so I can stick them in my ears!
No download here but I won’t leave you hanging. Here are a few brief snippets—it’s all you need!:
I know I’m in a pit when a Mentors record bums me out. I bought this record when I was 15 and thought it was one of the dumbest things I’d ever heard in my life, little realizing that this band would wind up becoming one of the few I’d remain steadfastly loyal to over the years. When I was 21, I adopted a tiny kitten that a friend of my mom’s found wandering around in the forest and, later that evening, got back stage at a Mentors show and got El Duce to sign this record. I always associate that event with my first night with that stupid cat. Well, several years later El Duce got himself creamed by a train and now, 19 years later, I still have that crazy cat, but it looks like the end of the line for the old girl—maybe one more week tops. So my typical snarky comment of “Everything has to die……” now comes back to smack me in the face again. So here’s a novel suggestion: how about some of the things that actually suck in this life go get themselves dead for a change? It would be nice and it seems that they are way overdue.
As for the record, this is their first release and the one that started it all. This isn’t my favorite Mentors record, but it’s a classic. The B-Side is the better of the two, so that is what I posted below. The other two songs are also great, essential and worth hearing. Oh, and note the label: Mystic!!!
Well, it appears that Dr. Scum has been raiding the vaults and is in the process of sorting through and re-mastering about five thousand minutes of vintage Mentors recordings, done in the same studio as “Musical Pornography”, one of my all-time favorite recordings. Suffice to say, I was stoked to hear fresh material from The Master and I am looking forward to hearing more in the future. So what does this thing sound like? Well, what the hell do you think?! Oh, but is this a bunch of shit that should have stayed buried? Fuck, no! The one thing that kills me about El Duce is that, once you think the guy has sunk as low as one can get, he finds a trap door to sink a little bit lower! Yeah, there’s some hilarious stuff on this thing and I honestly don’t know where to start, but I’ll say that he decided to expand on the train of thought he began with “Soul Fire” on the “Lock Up Yer Daughters” cassette and it just gets worse from there! Nothing but quality stuff on this baby, leaving the listener with no choice but to reflect upon the appropriateness of the title: GOD!! Hey, it’s not like culture in 2010 can suck any more than it already does, so pick up a copy of this masterpiece on eBay, CD Baby or direct from Dr. Scum and support one of the last of the Old Guard and purveyors of true Shit Rock!
This is another one of those tapes The Mentors put out on their own dime and I actually hadn’t planned on posting this originally, as I figured someone would put this stuff on CD or something by now, for it is of much better sound quality than the later tapes I posted earlier. As a stallion must be free to roam, so too must the musical genius be free to express himself to his full potential and here we find The Master and Dr. Scum experimenting with a couple musical styles that didn’t make their way to any of the official Mentors records for some unfathomable reason. There is a little bit of acoustical guitar present on some tracks and they even take a stab at a soft rock-styled love ballad on “Sneak Away From Yer Man” and, indeed, it’s a touching little ditty that should serve as great background music for those intimate moments alone with that special someone. Fans of more traditional Mentors fare might give “Punishment Time” the vote for top pick on this one, but my personal fave would have to be “I Wanna Ball Yer Daughter” for reasons I don’t care to discuss, other than acknowledging that it has to be one of the most ridiculous, perverted and generally rotten expressions of wishful thinking the man ever laid down. Truly one of his best!
Here’s another one of those latter-day Mentors tapes that the band put out on their own dime and, once again, the sound quality on some of the tracks isn’t the greatest. But it matters not, as no amount of hissy demo-quality sound can detract from this band’s brilliance. Well, there isn’t much to say about these guys that I haven’t already said, except that this one actually has the full band—not just Dr. Scum and El Duce. I might also add that, aside from the typical stumblebum drunken nonsense found on most of these recordings, Duce appears to be doing some good coke or some other “upper” or happy drug on songs like “Kings Of Sleaze” and “In And Out Of You”. He was definitely on something, but there’s nothing new about that. Musically, it’s the standard Mentors shtick which, of course, means sheer excellence, the standout tracks for me being “Service Me Or Be Smacked”, which is a fine return to their old form, and “Fresh Off The Vine”, an engaging tale of intergenerational romance.
Download (Mediafire) HERE
Sorry folks, no freebies here! It seems that every year I manage to find a couple new releases that are worth picking up and I figure it can’t hurt to let other people know about them. So am I saying that there are new bands out there that I like? Fuck No! At least not in the Punk/HC genre and probably never will be again, although I am impartial to some newer Metal. Generally, music these days is fucking terrible—these are releases of old stuff. First off, we have Tutu And The Pirates and their long overdue release of “suburban insult rock” from the early days of the Chicago Punk scene. These guys are generally hailed as the first Punk band to come out of Chicago and, happily, they were pretty good, as were many of the Chicago bands from that era, although the less said about what followed later the better. I saw these guys live once, followed by a little chit-chat with the lead singer and the guy was totally hilarious and a true inspiration to my uncooperative, perpetually juvenile ass . So what does it sound like? Picture an entire LP of Cheech and Chong’s “Earache My Eye”! If you enjoy dumbass Punk in the vein of Chainsaw, this will do something for you.
Secondly, we have an unexpected release my one of my all-time faves, The Mentors. Here we have two early songs recorded in Dr. Scum’s basement in 1977 and, amazingly, it sounds a hell of a lot better than those tapes I’ve been posting here. I was very happy with this and at 500 pressed, you’d better get while the getting’s good if you want this thing. However, the best thing about this release is the band photos on the back, with afros in lieu of black hoods and a much skinnier, albeit inbred-looking El Duce and a Dr. Scum with no glasses. I’m dying to hear the rest of this recording session and I hope this “Stool Sample Records” label remains solvent long enough to release it! And that’s it! Two new releases! Wow.
This is another one of those later Mentors recordings that got put out on the band’s own label and, like the rest of their material, this is little more than pure musical steel, forged by Thor’s mighty hammer, and sent down to earth as a gift from The Gods. This was one of the last things El Duce ever recorded, prior to being brutally slaughtered in his quest for forty-ouncers and sandwiches and, indeed, he really sounds like he has one foot in the grave on this one, slurring his words, drunkenly barking, occasionally forgetting what the song is about and drifting off the subject matter (you can hear Dr. Scum shouting reminders in the background), and mumbling incoherently from time to time. As far as production goes, Bill Metoyer and Brian Slagel are a million miles away on this puppy, but poor sound quality does little to tarnish El Duce’s lyrical genius, expanding his song-writing repertoire to cover such essential topics as women in the workforce (“Why Should I Work When You Do”), monogamy (“Back To The Same Old Hole”), and a touching tale of interracial romance (“Soul Fire”). And, of course, “Gold Diggin’ Maggot” is a fine piece of fatherly advice that should be passed down from father to son throughout the ages.
Pity the fool who can’t see the tragedy and hilarity of the original Mentors. These guys were a class act all around and they simply don’t make ‘em like El Duce anymore. In a world filled to the brim with alcoholics, the man was a DRUNK.
Well, it’s been a few weeks, but I appear to be back in the saddle, so we’ll get the ball rolling again with another one of my personal faves. I have been a die-hard Mentors fan since I was a kid and, no matter what musical phase I might have been going through, I always had a special place in my heart for this band. Understand that there is a certain point where “fandom” transcends just a love for the music itself, but crosses over into a fanatical appreciation of the musicians themselves—this is how I feel about The Mentors. Granted, just about everything these guys ever wrote was about the same basic subject matter, but that is irrelevant—it is what these individuals stood for and the lives they lead that gives meaning to this music and El Duce did, indeed, live the life. I really miss that guy, but the new Mentors are still pretty good. Honestly, you can barely tell the difference with the hoods on, but I long for the good old days with El Duce on drums and vocals.
So I’m not going to argue that this is the best Mentors album ever made. Some folks would argue that they peaked with “You Axed For It” and “Up The Dose”, but I couldn’t disagree more. Personally, I think their later self-released recordings such as “The Man, The Myth, The Legend” and “Lock Up Yer Daughters” are some of their best stuff, as it catches the band in a more relaxed mode where they are just tossing ideas around. These recordings definitely reflect what was going on during those later years, shortly before El Duce’s death, but I think they were in rare form on this one, despite the regrettable absence of Sickie Wifebeater. El Duce was the most gifted dirty limerick writer to ever walk the face of the earth and, while I suspect he kind of half-made up the words to some of these songs as he went along, he really outdid himself on this one. It truly is some of his finest work and he manages to stay only about half drunk off his ass throughout the recordings, barking, grunting, crooning and moaning music that is truly that of The Gods. Musically, it’s your typical Mentors stuff, with thin production, but this album really works for me insofar as it serves to capture the true ESSENCE of the band, by which I mean a bunch of old drunks singing about being rock stars, denying back stage passes to stuck-up chicks, and being indecisive about which groupie to fuck. Every song on this CD is a masterpiece—every one of them is memorable. Not that there is such a thing as a “bad” Mentors song. Everything these individuals created was brilliant!
Many is the time that these songs found their way into my truck’s CD player only to stay in there for days and sometimes weeks, playing over and over again. I’m not joking.
I don’t believe there is such a thing as perfection, but the first three tracks on this demo are about as close to perfection as a Metal band can get, as heard through the ears of Mr. Poopy, at least. Why don’t more bands do this sort of thing? And why do the few bands that attempt it fuck it up and sound like shit? And where is that album they recorded? I’ve been waiting for that thing for years!
Unfortunately, the other three songs on this thing aren’t nearly as good. “Prick Teasing Bimbo” is kind of lame, the Mentors cover is, of course, good, but it’s a cover, and God knows why they decided to butcher that Sabbath tune! What’s even more frustrating is that they had other songs that were 1,000 times better, hence, I really want to hear that unreleased album! Someone out there has to have a copy of that damn thing! Send a copy to Mr. Poopy and I’ll be your imaginary friend—I’ve waited long enough!
I lived in Chicago for about 11 years and this is the only band I ever found in that town that was worth a shit. Shitcago is kind of a rough town and it always struck me as odd that it would have such a queer-ass Punk / HC scene and lame music scene in general. This band almost redeemed that town and their live shows were great, as well. As an added bonus, I tacked on the tracks from the Anal Cunt split 7″.