Prophet Of Hate – “Death Can’t Wait For You To Die” Cassette (198?, 199?)
This is another one of those recordings that sounds a lot better now than when it came out—whenever that was. I can’t find out a thing about these guys (guy?) other than they (he?) hailed from the mean streets of Glendale, AZ. Well, whoever was behind this project, they sure did hate a lot—they even went so far as to spell it out all over the back cover of the cassette. And, throughout the songs, you can really tell these guys are busting their asses to sound all scary and hateful—it’s just too darn bad that it’s rendered completely impotent by the inherently retarded bounciness and bopiness of the music! Only three songs and one instrumental on this goofy Goth / Synth / Punk mess and it’s over all too fast. Fun stuff.
Cassette
THE TRACKS:
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Sound Barrier – “Born To Rock” EP (1984)
Well, I was hearing all these Metalheads talking about how badass all those Black Metal bands are, so I finally went out and got me a Black Metal album and what the Hell? Here I was, expecting some kind of crazy Death Metal but, instead, I’m hearing this cheesy glam rock stuff! Or is it “Power Metal”? Either way, I’m never taking any sort of musical advice from a Metalhead again, as those assholes clearly don’t know what the Hell they’re talking about!
OK, I made that up. The truth is I bought this because there was something about the band photo on the back of the record that intrigued me, leading me to believe there was something about these guys that separated them from 99.9% of the Metal Bands in the US, something I couldn’t quite put my finger one but there it was, staring me in the face. Perhaps, it’s the color of their guitars. I looked them up and, apparently, this is their second release put out on their own dime, the first being a major label foray that bombed. Supposedly, they got some airplay on MTV, but I’m fishing the ole memory blanks and drawing a blank, despite the fact that my only real memories of MTV are from the 1983-1986 era. The video is up on YouTube and, yes, I’ve heard of Black Death!
LP Cover
SAMPLE TRACKS:
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Janet Greene – “Fascist Threat / Commie Lies” 7″ (1966)
Hailing from Hamilton, OH, home of Chem Dyne, Janet Greene was a local TV star that wound up with the dubious honor of becoming one of the more infamous and interesting propaganda tools for the John Birch Society. Typically, I don’t own the picture sleeve for this one and it’s a real shame because the gal wasn’t too hard on the eyes and who could resist a cute little chick crooning right wing propaganda—certainly not Mr. Poopy! Unfortunately, the majority of America didn’t care for her for some reason, but she managed to cut a few singles before deciding she’d had enough. I’ve heard them all and this was the best thing she ever did. While Janet may have been the only touring act sponsored by the JBS, they did at least one other music-related piece of propaganda in the form of a comedy lounge act, fronted by another female singer named Wini Beatty backed by Rhett Fink and The Folkniks. I own the record, but you can trust me when I say it isn’t nearly as witty as it sounds—otherwise, I’d post it!
Janet Greene
THE TRACKS:
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El Duce and Dr. Heathen Scum – “Lock Up Yer Daughters” Cassette (1996)
This is another one of those later Mentors recordings that got put out on the band’s own label and, like the rest of their material, this is little more than pure musical steel, forged by Thor’s mighty hammer, and sent down to earth as a gift from The Gods. This was one of the last things El Duce ever recorded, prior to being brutally slaughtered in his quest for forty-ouncers and sandwiches and, indeed, he really sounds like he has one foot in the grave on this one, slurring his words, drunkenly barking, occasionally forgetting what the song is about and drifting off the subject matter (you can hear Dr. Scum shouting reminders in the background), and mumbling incoherently from time to time. As far as production goes, Bill Metoyer and Brian Slagel are a million miles away on this puppy, but poor sound quality does little to tarnish El Duce’s lyrical genius, expanding his song-writing repertoire to cover such essential topics as women in the workforce (“Why Should I Work When You Do”), monogamy (“Back To The Same Old Hole”), and a touching tale of interracial romance (“Soul Fire”). And, of course, “Gold Diggin’ Maggot” is a fine piece of fatherly advice that should be passed down from father to son throughout the ages.
Pity the fool who can’t see the tragedy and hilarity of the original Mentors. These guys were a class act all around and they simply don’t make ‘em like El Duce anymore. In a world filled to the brim with alcoholics, the man was a DRUNK.
Gold Diggin' Maggot
Insert
SAMPLE TRACKS:
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The Wild Giraffes – “Right Now” LP (1981)
Someone asked for this and I’m always happy to put an obscurity back in circulation. These guys were from Mentor, Ohio, an eastern suburb of Cleveland and, despite the fact that they were from a town that was clearly named in honor of El Duce, they’re a bunch of Power Poopers. The title track is the clear winner and there are a couple other power chord poppy numbers of a similar nature on here. The LP as a whole is somewhat hit or miss, depending largely on your enthusiasm for the genre, I suppose.
Yep, they're from Cleveland!
SAMPLE TRACKS:
Move It On Over (cover song–The Kinks, maybe?)
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Herve Villechaize – “Why” Promo 7″ (1980)
A few months back I was plagued by calls from the people who do the Nielsen Ratings. Finally, I broke down and picked up the phone and it turned out they had my number mixed up with some other guy’s, but they said I was just as good a candidate as any and asked if I wanted to participate. I told them I don’t watch TV and they asked me if I owned a TV set that could pick up digital TV and I said, “Yes, I own a flat screen TV but I don’t have it plugged in to an antenna. I don’t watch TV—it’s crap. I only watch movies.” The lady was nice as hell and told me that was fine and they’d pay me five dollars to tell them what movies I was watching. So I filled the thing out and typed up a nasty letter, hoping that they would call back and I could have some fun, but no such luck. I can only hope that someone over there bothered to look up “Salò o le 120 giornate di Sodoma”, “The Sinful Dwarf”, and “Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks” to find out what decent entertainment is supposed to look like!
It’s truly frustrating how lousy so-called entertainment is these days—and it only seems to be getting worse. Thus, it is always with a great deal of pleasure when I can look at something contrived by some big executive and argue that it’s actually good—like the genius who decided to harness the awesome vocal talents of Herve Villechaize. Best known for his role as “Tattoo” on Fantasy Island, I remember hearing rumors as a kid that he was retarded or brain-damaged and what all. Not true. The man was actually an accomplished painter by the age of 18 and fell into the more lucrative trade of acting while living in New York City.
No, deep inside, ole Tattoo was as mentally sharp as you and me, but his guts were growing too big for his tiny body and it hurt like hell. Couple that with the financial problems that began to surface after being booted from Fantasy Island, and it was safe to say that poor Herve was a sad little man. And this is his sad little song. And, even more sadly, he decided he had enough in 1993 and snuffed himself with a bullet to the chest. But the good news is some jerk in the entertainment industry did something right for a change, leaving a recorded legacy of this song and a weird musical he did in 1982 called “Forbidden Zone”, which is actually worth a look. This is a promo record—both sides have the same song.
THE TRACK: